


Snape's Contract

by Misty123, Trickster32



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dumbledore Bashing, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2018-10-13 09:03:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10510590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misty123/pseuds/Misty123, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster32/pseuds/Trickster32
Summary: based on the story by Kusanosakura leave out all the rest part 3 of the beside you series.  Just thought that when the tri-wizard champions were announced that Snape's paternal family may have something to say, and this story was born.We meet part of Severus paternal family and find out that a new completion with a far better reward is being run at Hogwarts school along side the Tri-wizard tournament, which has become a Six-wizard tournament as another 3 schools have sent their champions along.Is Hermione's family really just dentists!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLease note that this will be said only once here, trickster32 and myself are playing with the characters invented by Rowling and Terry Pratchett and are not receiving monetary compensation from them. There will be Albus Dumbledore and other character bashing so you have been warned- please enjoy

Lord Ventinari looked down a hooked nose, but like one of a certain potions master at Hogwarts. But he was no relation to the potions master muggle family who were either very accomplished assassins or thieves. Both sides of the family had gone to the respective guild schools, and both sides of the family were fiercely protective of each other including his clerk Rufus Drumknott who like the rest of his family had attended the school and to his families disgust had yet to become a full assassin “So let me get this right! A dehuming contract has been put on one Albus Percival Wulfric Bay (likes to call himself Brian) Dumbledore, positions held are Chief Warlock, head of the British Wizengamot, Headmaster of the failing magic school Hogwarts and awarded Merlin first class for imprisoning his former lover Grindelwald for two knuts? And that is only because the minimum contract is two knuts…………..Your family would like you take a leave of absence to assist them in taking out the biggest piece of scum to ever walk the world earth, and this is all to take place during a death attracting tournament at the failing school?”

Rufus Drumknott looked up and swallowed “The family is pissed off that because the contract is an open contract, all the available assassins and their families are gathering for the sport…..in fact the guild has called the contract a holiday contract…(sniffed his clerk)….which means that everybody and his mother is trying to find more elaborate ways in which to dehume the client!.......The guild in, I am quoting exactly my great aunt Rosemary exactly here… their fucking wisdom decided that the only way in which our family could participate in the dehuming was declaring it a holiday, because the fucking bastard’s victims was too closely related to the victims e.g. my long lost magical nephew and his ward! So the family have petitioned and have got you as one of the judges for the competition and Capt. Vimes to assist the family his wife lady Sybil is one of the other judges with the our old bursar being the final one”

“Open holiday……..well I am sure that I DESERVE A HOLIDAY Drumknott, and will be a pleasure to give my practical and theoretical support to your family…….by the way how is the family generally faring? The pig farm still proving profitable and the American/Italian contracts still the main stable of the families work?”

“The pig farm is very profitable especially with the free fresh meat that the pigs consume, certain well known supermarkets even sell it legally as organic produced meat, and the pigs get more than double than they are worth normally! the British Government has joined the families list of clientèle……they help that 00 department with more troublesome clients!”

“Well we must get ready and depart soon…..a declared holiday by the guild, means that the guild will themselves put up quite a bit of sponsorship……the last known sponsorship was I believe 50.000 dollars, enough to tempt the most unsavoury of persons!” with that Rufus Drumknott start making the preparations for them to have an extended leave of absence.

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Severus Snape first class potions master, professor of Hogwarts just knew that this was not going to finish how everybody in the ante room to the great hall thought it would. Andromeda Tonks had just declared Harry his ward to have been illegible for being a Tri-Wizard champion and Headmaster Dumbledore had declared that Harry had to participate in the damn competition, no matter what his guardians said. Which was absolutely great, but which meant his adopted father's family would be out for blood. His supposed mentor and master bloody one Albus Percival Wulfric Bay (likes to call himself Brian) Dumbledore, positions held are Chief Warlock, head of the British Wizengamot, Headmaster of the failing magic school Hogwarts and awarded Merlin first class.

His first strike siring Severus and then dumping his mother and making her flee to the muggle world where she met his adopted father Tobias Snape, Tobias Snape was the white sheep of the family literally. Tobias had decided to go the lawful route and neither become a thief or an assassin, or even at a pinch a police officer, so until Tobias died when Severus was nineteen life was hard. Because his father would not accept a penny form his family that had been illegally earned, money had been very tight and they had been poor but happy.

Strike two Dumbledore had ensured that his mother had been kicked out of the Princes family, although the family had welcomed him back and he was the latest Lord Prince.

Strike three, Dumbledore had allowed Severus to be bullied unmercifully during his school years, and had allowed Sirius Black to play a prank on him, that had split up his mate the werewolf Remus Lupin and aborted their child illegally and memory charming him to forget the relationship and friendship. Ensuring that he turned to Lord Voldemort and became a death eater and then a spy!

Strike four and the killer was that his mates ward one Harry Potter had been entered into the Tri-Wizard-Tournament and had been badly abused by his muggle relatives with the permission of Albus Dumbledore! Now that he was officially engaged to his mate, all their children between them became part of his family! His paternal family were very protective of the families children.

Everybody especially Lucius Malfoy were afraid of the Ice Queen of Slytherin Andromeda Tonks and her insane sister Bellatrix, but nobody would ever come close to his paternal family. His older step brother Tobias was a mechanic for the muggle government and its 00 department and after Hogwarts had attended the Assassins school of Ankh-Morpork as an evening student. His other step brother Stephen Snape was a prominent civil servant, who even the 00 department treated with respect! The rest of the family either were assassins or thieves, you sat down for a family dinner or get together and ensured that you pockets were pick proof and you personally ensured that the food and consumables you ventured to eat were safe to consume. His muggle family believed in training their children young, after all if you couldn’t survive the rough let’s kill our siblings school of life then you did not deserve to survive to reproduce offspring yourself! Oh his muggle family were still in awe of his father Tobias, and the fact he turned away from the family business as it were, but they were sure that his children would not make past their majority.

The fact they had impressed the family greatly, and now he had an adopted family they were clamouring to meet them, he knew for a fact that prospectus had been secured and it was only a matter of time before their children were sent to more respectable schools for their education!

So he realised that his paternal family who he had yet to introduce to his mate and their large adopted family and friends, would literally ensure that Dumbledore paid the ultimate price for his actions to him and his adoptive family. The only saving grace if there was one, is that the family would not dehume (kill) a person without a fee it after all went against the assassins guild motto NIL MORTIFI, SINE LUCRE (No killing without pay). All though he wouldn’t put past the old woman of the family his Great Aunt Rosemary to decide to live by her all girl’s school St Trinians unofficial motto “do not get caught.”

        

  
 

Aunt Rosemary had been the eldest child and daughter of his uncle's family, and such much too sensitive (according to her father) to attend the assassins guild or thieves guild schools, so she had been sent to St Trinians School for young ladies. Yep she learnt all about dehuming, stealing and other worthwhile arts and crafts including hacking for profit and blackmailing as an art form! So hopefully the family would snipe and growl about Albus, but would do nothing except send warning shots there and then across his bow. “How goes this old saying – hope dies last?”

So with Harry still in tears and shaken, and Dumbledore the fool not listening to Severus suggesting that it was better for his health that Harry did not take part in the competition, the now four champions left the ante room to parade in front of the school! The booing and hissing from three quarters of the school for the Hogwarts champions being a Slytherin and Harry Potter angered him to the core. Now he had to ensure that his family did not hear of this, if they did then Dumbledore’s blood would literally run.

Severus stood by his son and suggested him to vow in front of the whole school on his life and magic, that he haven't put his name in the goblet of fire. He should call on Lady Magic to judge the person who did it and everyone, who seriously consider to let a minor partake in such an idiotic event. He had even prepared a little vial with truth serum, to be used on the other champions, to ask them, if they really consider it possible, that Harry manage to trick the age-line, that Dumbledore had drawn himself.

“Wait,” cried Harry he stepped in front of the Great Hall and lifted his wand, “I vow on my life and my magic, that I haven't entered my name in the Goblet of Fire, nor have I encourage anyone else to slip my name into the goblet. This I swear on my life, my magic and my honour. EXPECTO PATRONONUM” - A MAGNIFICENT PANTHER sprang from his wand and pranced around the hall, and brought Dumbledore and the other judges to fall.

Before anyone could interrupt this clear demonstration that Harry still had his magic, Harry cleared his throat and used a SONORUS, before saying loud and clear: “MAY LADY MAGIC JUDGE THE REAL PERPETRATOR AND PUNISH HIM MERCILESSLY AS WELL AS THOSE ADULTS WHO WILLINGLY LET A MINOR ENTER SUCH A DEATH-TRAP OF A TOURNAMENT! SO MOTE IT BE!”

He went back to Severus and cuddled into the side of his adopted father. He knew that Severus wouldn't let anybody harm him, when he could prevent him. Nobody should aggravate his adoptive father, when someone threatened his families lives.  
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Out in the Riddles old mansion, Lady magic in her ultimate wisdom visited upon the remains of one Lord Voldemort, her punishment for him was to send him with his horcruxes (including Harry’s) straight to hall of judgement, and then hopefully bound straight to the realms of hell! Peter Pettigrew, the rat, was bound with anti-animagi-cuffs and found the same night in the Auror cell at the ministry of magic, Lady magic then left the rest of the perpetrator to their original fate! After all the Crouch’s would soon be joining Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore in the hall of judgement!  
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The next morning at breakfast in the great hall a large black eagle swept into the hall and landed by Filius plate. Severus blanched whiter than normal when he saw the letter and the Assassin’s guild motto stamped on it, he was sat for his own protection between Charity Burbage and Filius Flitwick.

Filius took the letter and opened it, cleared his voice and said “IT IS BY HERE DECLARED THAT THE ASSASSINS GUILD OF ANKH-MORPORK WITH THE THIEVES GUILD SUPPORT HAVE DECLARED FOR THEIR MEMBERS A SPORTING HOLIDAY AT HOGWARTS!

THE PRICE OF 100,000 AM DOLLARS (10,000 dollars being donated by the British Government) OR 200,000 GALLEONS IS THE PRIZE AND FULL MEMBERSHIP OF THE ASSASSINS' GUILD (if not already a full member) FOR THE DEHUMING OF Albus Percival Wulfric Bay (likes to call himself Brian) Dumbledore, positions held are Chief Warlock, head of the British Wizengamot, Headmaster of the failing magic school Hogwarts and awarded Merlin first class. POINTS AND PRIZES WILL BE GIVEN FOR THE MOST INVENTIVE WAY OF DEHUMING THE CLIENT

THE JUDGES FOR THE COMPETITION ARE LADY SYBIL VIMES, LORD VERTINARI AND BURSAR BEGONE. Here by notice is given that Capt. Samuel Vimes and Susan Sto Helit are joining the Snape combined family in the competition

LET THE COMPETITION BEGIN AND OFFICIALLY END WITH THE CREATIVE DEHUMING OF ALBUS Wulfric Bay (likes to be called Brian) DUMBLEDORE, positions held are Chief Warlock, Head of the British Wizengamot, headmaster of the failing school of magic and awarded Merlin first class the day after the final task in the Tri-Wizard- Tournament. Dehuming of Albus Dumbledore before the final day is not permitted, in the interests of fair play and entertainment of spectators and judges!”

 

Filius then looked up and said that in order to ensure fair play and foster improved relationships between the different schools, the Assassins, Thieves and Clowns guild school have entered Tri-Wizard champions of their own”

 

The whole school including their visitors looked stunned, Severus just closed his eyes his family had done it, now they had the bloody tournament and a host of Assassins and partners descending upon the school!

Another Eagle flew into the school and alighted by Minerva McGonagall plate, she took the letter and looked at Albus “Albus this letter is apparently from the same source, and is requesting…no demanding appropriate quarters in Hogwarts for the Judges and families that will be attending the Sporting Holiday competition, also the thieves guild is requesting that for the safety of Hogwarts treasures that a sum of 2000 galleons be paid in their account, if this request is not met. Then the thieves guild cannot guarantee the safety of such items!”

“Well my dear, the price seems to be lower than it would normally be!” Filius countered  
“That’s because you got my family's reduced rate. Very hard to come by, had to ask father to put in a good word”, said Filch the caretaker.

The whole school just looked at George and Fred Weasley, who were the normal perpetrators of pranks. But they just looked as dumbfounded as everybody else in the school, if this was a prank than it had been played by a group of pranksters that the twins would only wish to meet!

Dumbledore looked lived, rose up from the high table and thundered “WHO DARED TO PULL THIS UNSEEMLY PRANK, OBVIOUSLY AS IT WAS THE SLYTHERIN HOUSE I WILL BE TAKING 200 POINTS FROM THEM…..THIS IS NOT FUNNY, I WILL FIND OUT THE PERPETRATORS OF THIS AND THEY WILL BE EXPELLED” with that Dumbledore flounced away.

Filius looked at Severus and said “This is not a joke, Albus has managed to upset somebody very badly for the Assassins guild to declare an open holiday” and all Severus could do was nod his head.

Then he banged his head on the table, when Charity asked “So is the Snape family mentioned, your paternal family then?”  
Severus looked tiredly at her and said: “Believe me, you do not want to know, Charity.”  
Then another owl flew into the hall and straight to Severus, who took the letter from its leg. Filius tried to give the owl a piece of bacon, the owl looked at Filius with a look that plainly said ‘you have got to be joking’. The bird hopped away and glared at Severus, who silently hold his hand to the bird. The bird draw flesh blood from his hand, before flying away. Severus read the letter it was a very nicely worded acceptance for his paternal family to make themselves at home in Hogwarts (which he had never offered before)! And never wanted to offer them, but now he had no choice.

Then there were owls flying into the Great Hall, and alighting at different tables and students. They all Severus noted looked very pale and worried, as well they should. It seemed that the Assassins that had family attending Hogwarts were using this fact to get free board and lodging. Also to scope out the lie of the land and get ideas on how to dehume Albus Dumbledore, and one owl alighted by the side of Harry’s friend Hermione Granger who just like Severus hit her head on the table in front of her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and the rest of Severus magical family meet his paternal family! Another 4 inferior muggle schools join Hogwarts, so they can enter the tournament - ?competition. How will that effect the Hogwarts house arrangements

Remus Lupin, Severus' mate called a family meeting with Ted Tonks a mind healer.  He was worried by Severus reaction to the news that his paternal family was having an extended holiday with them, after all Severus had never offered any information on his muggle family. All he would say was that the family business specialised in potions and research, with a bit of procuring and selling on the side Remus consoled himself that they weren’t that bad, they seemed supportive in their own way. 

 

Severus would have preferred not to see any of them for the next few months, he wasn't the most social in his family. And he likes to keeps his secrets as close as possible. He hadn't been feeling well for the last two weeks and a quick test showed him quite clearly the cause for it. Remus had managed to impregnate him and Severus hadn't found the time nor the need to inform anyone in his circle of friends and family about this development. He only hoped he could keep it a secret. Of course Remus' senses were more on alert, when the next full moon was near and at least on that day, his mate would figure it out. Not to mention that Aunt Rosemary was in that point very old-fashioned. She would force them to bond, should she only guess that he didn't told her everything. “Crap, his classes, he would have to find another teacher for them, why did this all have to happen now.”

 

Ted called a start to the meeting and set a healers truth globe in the middle of the room. There were no under age children present in the meeting,  it just comprised of Ted and Andromeda Tonks, Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa, Remus and Severus, Charity Babbage and Sirius with Fillius Flitwick. Ted started the counselling session listing the time and date and continued in his “I am such a calm and knowing person that nothing you can tell me will shock me voice” (patronising git thought Severus) “Well! Severus being muggle born myself and married to Andromeda, I perhaps understand your reluctance to allow your MAGICAL family to meet you muggle family. After all it can be quite a culture shock for muggles to understand how our society works.”

 

“Especially that you are in a committed relationship with Remus and have quite an extensive adopted family, Sev. Everybody in the magical world knows how very backwards muggles see same sex relationships…”, Lucius added thoughtfully to the conversation.

 

“Quite!”, agreed Ted, nodding patronisingly to the group of adults “Now….me and Andromeda have managed to work through our….” And the groups talk faded into the background as white noise!

 

Severus closed his eyes, when he opened his eyes again he saw Filius trying not to laugh, the smug git thought Severus. Severus took a very deep breath and said “My family have no issues with me being..”

 

“Gay, of course not, nephew! Your father always knew you preferred Alan Rickman to the supposed sex goddess Jordan……really the magical world still harping about our disgust at Gay relationships, well don’t tell them then that Uncle Bert likes to be call Beatrice in private and has better legs than my sister Sybil” Everybody in the room looked round to see a man wearing all black leaning nonchalantly against the fireplace in the room “The rest of the family that are able are just coming, just a few of us can commit to the competition…you know those that are semi-retired from the family business, so are you going to introduce us then Severus? Then Aunt Rosemary wants a quick look around before supper, you know start to get the lay of the land! Are you alright, nephew? You look very pale.”

 

Severus closed his eyes as his head hit the back of his chair, his Great Aunt Rosemary was coming, oh just great as if life couldn’t get any worse. His only wish was to keep his nausea at bay until this meeting was over and then hide in his quarters with his mate and Harry until this thrice-damned tournament was over. Aunt Rosemary idea of restraint and a quick, painless dehuming was hanging, drowning and quartering somebody! He started the introductions “This is my uncle Conrad married to my Aunt May, coming into the room now is Great Aunt Rosemary and Uncle Walter with Uncle….no aunty Beatrice and wife Aunt Sybil is still I believe the potions and poisons mistress at Assassins academy………Aiden who is the grand-son of Uncle Roger and Daisy, with her sister Jean and James….anybody else coming at the moment?” Severus asked his family who had all appeared suddenly in the room. Remus was still trying to figure how they had all entered the locked and warded room. 

 

Great Aunt Rosemary strode across the room and kissed Severus on the cheek and turned around to Remus and said “You hurt little Sevvie and your balls are toast young man…by the way your brother Tobias and his intended Money Penny are joining us at weekends and Holidays with most of the other family, he needs a bit of light relaxation. And you could need another check-up, Sevvie, you're much too pale for this time of the year.” 

 

“So why are you talking to a shrink?…don’t get me wrong some of the best clients we have had have been shrinks…..but you can always talk to us and share your concerns, we are your family! You wouldn't try to hide anything from us, like that bullying during your schooling at Hogwarts, Sevvie, would you?”, inquired Beatrice with a serious voice.

 

“Really Beatrice! Of course little Sevvie would feel better at talking with a group of stupid idiots than us….he has always been the most sensitive one out of the family….took after his father Tobias!” Aunt Rosemary answered Aunt Beatrice, who it must be said did have very good looking legs. Sirius just looked aghast and thought that calling ‘little Sevvie’ sensitive was like saying Hagrid was a dwarf or Ron Weasley was in MENSA. “Don't call me Sevvie!”, growled Severus annoyed.

 

 

“Your muggle family business is?” Filius asked in his happy, everybody will faint voice

“Dehuming and Stealing….although Conrad has managed to still keep his ignorance somehow about the details of the family business….that’s the trouble with having a strict Methodist Upbringing, plays havoc with a child’s work ethic.”

 

“Assassin and thieves, I thought you said that the family specialised in potions and research, with a bit of procuring and selling on the side?”, exclaimed Remus, looking round the rest of their extended magical family. “Well, diplomatic worded it is the same, but let's say they like their work.”, tried Severus to dodge this bullet.

 

“OY! Aiden, put the sword back where you found it!  YOU KNOW THAT HOGWARTS TREASURES ARE OF LIMITS AS THEY PAID THE PROTECTION MONEY”

 

“But Daaaaad….It was just there, I mean if you are stupid enough to leave a priceless heirloom where anybody can get it……”  Roger crossed the room and took the sword of Gryffindor out of his grand-son's hands, that had held the sword behind his back “Look son 10 out of 10 for the opportunity, but once the firm or person has paid their protection money, they are free from their belongings being repatriated elsewhere” Everybody in the therapy group looked at the sword now in Rogers hand, and Lucius summed up every bodies reaction when he said “But that’s the sword of Gryffindor!  It was hidden in the headmasters office!  Only a…….. “

 

“You do know that it is soaked in Basilisk Venom, Aiden, don't you?”, asked Severus nonchalantly. “Let's hope that you didn't have any open wounds, or we would have been forced to find a way to neutralise it, before it eats away the rest of your minuscule brain.”

 

“W-WH-WHAT?”, stammered Aiden.

 

“My son killed the Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets as he was 12 years old.”, smirked Severus. “You know one of those brats, who doesn't know anything about the ** _real life._** ”

 

 

 

He had never forgotten how often his cousin Shaun, Aiden’s dad had tried to make him miserable, because of his and his brothers' refusal to attend the Assassin's academy. Stephen would eventually forgive him for such callous slights, but neither Tobias nor Severus were so merciful inclined. Tobias had even asked Severus to develop a special potion for him, that he used to teach all those **_00-agents_** a lesson, who again and again destroyed his Aston Martins. Of course Severus had helped him with immensely satisfaction, as he knew only too well, how you felt, when someone destroyed your most valuable possessions.  Although that had back fired immensely for his poor brother Tobias when the departmental head M found out about his talents and extra training.  His brother Tobias had been promoted to being a 00 agent now and away from his beloved cars.

 

“No need to worry, Aiden.”, calmed him Auntie Beatrice, the anti-venom of Basilisk venom is already part of your monthly intake against most common poisons. One of the few things what this rich brat— **Mithridates VI** of Ponthos has gotten right. He just forget after his immunisation, that suicide by poison wasn't possible any longer. Sevvie only wanted to scare you a bit.”

 

“Stupid place to keep a sword really! “Roger interrupted “Just where enquiring minds and hands would find it….no common sense magicals….they just have no common sense”

 

“So! Have you got a copy of the rules and contract for the Tri-Wizard-Tournament then?” asked uncle Conrad,  Severus replied “Not here, but there’s a copy back in my office…..you’ll collect it after supper?” Conrad nodded in the affirmative and walked mildly over to Sirius and punched him on the nose, then threw him against the wall of the room.  When Sirius ask “What the Hades was that for?” Uncle Conrad just replied “For all the years you tormented and pranked my nephew Severus……you even think about saying anything to Severus that could be taken as nasty and you will be a eunuch! Understand me?” and all Sirius could do was nod his head.  With the introductions of Severus two extended families over, they all made their way to the Front doors with the other Hogwarts inhabitants to greet the other three schools that would be entering the tournament.

 

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Albus Dumbledore stood just outside the great entrance doors of Hogwarts!  He knew how important it was to intimidate people and really how could three no four muggle school think they were better than Magical schools.

 

The first to arrive was two coaches that had the muggle logo of Zippo's circus on the sides, the coaches stopped just outside Hogwarts doors and the school representatives departed from the coach. The Headmaster of the Fool and Clowns Academy walked up to Dumbledore did the typical clown greeting.  Dumbledore shot into the air when he shook hands with the headmaster as he grasped the 12 volt button hidden the Clowns headmasters hand. With that the Clowns Academy pupils and staff marched straight into the Great Hall for supper.

 

 

The next to arrive was another two coaches, these coaches were almost not noteworthy, with hockey sticks and flying missiles being either waved or thrown from the coaches windows. The coach once again stopped outside the schools door and an intimidating women strolled from the coach.  She was followed by her pupils and teachers the woman turned to the girls and said “GIRLS, GIRLS! Please remember we are ladies, Augusta dear please remember best behaviour….we do not want a repeat of the last Hockey Game……very bad form to have two of the players pronounced dead on the pitch”  With that the woman walked up to Dumbledore and said “Lady Fritton at your service and these are my young ladies…..are you alright…..you look a bit pasty”  She then turned to her students and declared “Come along girls…..don’t want to be late for supper”  and the school rammed their way into Hogwarts great hall for supper.

 

 

The Hogwarts students and its staff waited, and waited for the other two schools to arrive. After some time had passed Dumbledore sighed, it looked like the other two schools would not be entering the competition. Dumbledore dismissed the school to super, they all trooped into the Great Hall to find the other two schools sitting at the tables waiting impatiently for supper to start!

 

Supper found the Slytherin sharing the Gryffindor table, after all it was very crowded with St Tinian's and the Assassins Guild School camped on the Slytherin table and to be fair the Slytherin Banner that had been hanging over the table now supported the Assassin Guild School and the St Trinians school crests. On the opposite side of the hall the Ravensclaw house table had been taken over by the Thieves Guild school and the Clown and Fools Academy with the respective school banners floating over the table. 

 

 

Severus had tried to eat his normal food, alas the house elves seemed to be already informed about his pregnancy, those watchful elves miss hardly anything and pre-arranged his meal to his new dietary needs. Instead of a normal cup of tea, he only get served decaffeinated tea and as he tried to swap mugs with Remus, Dobby popped in and vanished the beverage before scolding him quietly:

 

“Professor Potions Master should listen to elves. We know what is good for you, just trust elvies… No more coffee or normal tea for you...”

 

“Dobby, stop it, or anyone could guess, something is amiss. I need my coffee or I can't bear to be so close to the old coot”, hissed Severus quietly, dared a look to his Great-Aunt Rosemary who had take a closer look at his meal and a knowing gleam in her eyes didn't bode well for Severus.

 

Lady Fritton sat beside Dumbledore and asked in her penetrating voice where her little angels were to sleep,  Dumbledore replied that the new schools would of course be housed in the Hogwarts dormitories. So which dormitories asked Lady Fritton were the female dormitories. Dumbledore replied that as a modern co-education school, all houses had mixed sexes in them.  Lady Fritton was not the only one who was alarmed at this!   After a good half hour of Lady Fritton explaining why YOUNG LADIES should never be housed with uncontrollable YOUNG GENTLEMEN WHO HAD RAMPAGING HORMONES, it was agreed by the new Headteachers of the four muggle schools that the whole school would be sorted in to single sex houses!  Slytherin and Ravenclaw was to be the new female only houses and Hufflepuff and Gryffindor were now to become all male houses.

 

Dumbledore looked aghast, and explained that it would take all night to sort the children into the respective new houses!  Dr Whitehouse the headmaster of the Fools and Clowning academy shook his head and said “Nonsense Dumbledore, it might take you magical idiots till midnight to sort the children!  But see how professionals organise matters and arrange things”

 

He stood up and said to the whole school as one “THE YOUNG LADIES ON THE SLYTHERIN AND GRYFFINDOR TABLES WILL NOW BE IN THE SLYTHERIN HOUSE, THE YOUNG GENTLEMAN ON THE SAME TABLES WILL NOW BELONG TO THE GRYFFINDOR HOUSE. THE REMAINING YOUNG LADIES WILL BELONG TO THE RAVENCLAW HOUSE AND THE REMAINING YOUNG GENTLEMAN WILL BELONG TO THE HUFFLEPUFF HOUSE…..SO NOT TO UPSET EVERYBODY TO MUCH PROFESSOR SNAPE WILL BE THE HEAD OF HOUSE FOR GRYFFINDOR.  LADY FRITTON WILL BE THE HEAD OF HOUSE FOR SLYTHERIN,  LADY T’MALIA WILL BE THE HEAD OF HOUSE FOR RAVENCLAW AND PROFESSOR FLITWICK WILL BE THE HUFFLEPUFF HEAD OF HOUSE….PLEASE FINISH SUPPER AND MAKE YOUR WAY TO YOUR NEW HOUSES PLEASE” 

 

Everybody from Hogwarts and the other magical schools looked dumb founded up at the high table, Dr Whitehouse had in two minutes totally reorganised Hogwarts. The old house rivalries should become a historical footnote in the annuals of ‘Hogwarts through the ages’  Dumbledore barely keeping his temper motioned for the four new and old head of houses and his peers to join him in his office. Severus just looked at Filiuis this was one meeting that he would be selling his colleagues in the staff room, when they had their weekly debriefing meeting smoking pot!

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Everybody had managed to cram into the Headmasters office and sat down in conjured chairs when Dumbledore exploded at the new headteachers from the muggle schools “How could you….you have managed to disrupt the natural order of magical society…….Snakes are now housed with everybody! The evil that the Snakes children are will spread to the other good houses…WE SORT THE CHILDREN BY THEIR DOMINATE TRAITS….THEY ARE PUT INTO THE HOUSE THAT WILL SUIT THEM BY THE SORTING HOUSE…..ALL EVIL, DISGUSTING WORTHLESS, AMBITIOUS BACK STABBING INDIVIDUALS ARE PLACED INTO THE SNAKE HOUSE….”

 

“What absolute crap”  Lord Downey headmaster of the Assassins academy replied to Dumbledore and stopped his tirade dead “No individual unless a psychopath can be ever be evil….and certainly not at eleven years old,  and you must be a VERY EVIL, NASTY PSYCHOPATH YOURSELF IF YOU PROMOTE THE RACIST AND DISCRIMINATION ATTITUDE YOU HAVE JUST VOICED!”

 

Lady Fritton looked shocked and waded in “To subject 25% of your children to the ideals that you have outlined……..to write of the human potential and increase the human suffering…..YOU ARE THE EVIL MAN IN THE ROOM….no wonder there is a contract on your head…..have you ever listened to yourself…..how many children have turned away from the ideals that you are supposed to promote because of your attitude?”

 

“A house is where children sleep at night, a school is where they learn what need to learn to be able to thrive and survive outside the school walls and in the real world!  It would have been far better all these years Mr Dumbledore to have same sex houses, and randomly divide the children into the houses and not rely on a stupid bit of material!  In fact……” Mr Boggis the Thieves school headmaster set the sorting hat on fire quickly reducing it to ashes“ ….no more stupid lets sort the children into a house based on their prominent traits!”   with that everybody left the headmasters office, after all tomorrow was going to be a very long day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revenge can be so sweet; Dolores Umbridge comes to Hogwarts to ensure that the secret plan of the Minister of Magic will work. And she follows her own agenda, too. How far is she willing to go, to ensure Severus' assistance? The new champion of Hogwarts will be a shock for some people. Gryffindor House has the first meeting with their new Head of House, can Severus convince them from his plans? How long can Severus keep his family in the dark about his pregnancy?

Uncle Conrad instead of being a Dr. of Electronic Engineering working for a well-known company, should have been a Vampire. He was the only person that Severus’ family allowed them to advice when contracts were mentioned, he loved to spend hours reading the small print on contracts. His hobby was to find all loopholes that a contract might have, Family history recounted with pride the numerous times that he had outsmarted many contracts. His nickname of Shylock was well deserved, so Uncle Conrad spent most of the night reading the now eight-wizard tournament contract. He had to read the contract three times, but he finally found what he wanted, and went to find the people both in the normal and magical society what he needed.

 

It was very irate Dolores Umbridge who was woken up at two in the morning, it was a very happy Undersecretary of magic who went back to bed at five in the morning to get two hours sleep before she made her way to Hogwarts school to see the fun and fur start flying!

 

No need for nasty blood quills or other unpleasantries, no all that was needed was the Goblins help with their new financial partners. A pair of wrist bands and old Hogwarts school NEWT results. Today would be the day, that wizarding and muggle society toasted the end of the old imposter and dictator. She had eager as a squirrel over the years collected anything, that could shed a negative light on Albus Dumbledore. She had to stop herself cackling as she found the evidence that proved him to be the father of one Severus Tobias Snape and how he had gotten rid of Eileen and her unborn son. A son that was such a brilliant mind, that the Unspeakables had tried fruitlessly to get into their greedy clutches.There were not many teenagers who already created better versions of known potions, creating new potions and even inventing spells. Yes, Severus Tobias Snape would be a real asset for the Ministry of Magic, but alas the influence of Dumbledore was too great to secure this young man or even forcing him softly that he'll take his OWLs and NEWTs early. He could have done it easily in his fifth year, but the old coot had never permitted a Snake to be better than his lions. Son or not, he had other plans for Severus. However now they have a new chance, it was a risk, that he had the custody of the annoying Potterbrat, but there was a possibility that they could sway him to the beneficial of the Ministry.

 

She disliked that he seemed to be together with this half-breed and werewolf Remus John Lupin, nevertheless it could help them in the long run. As all her sources had reported to her, how far the young man would be willing to go to protect those he cared about.

 

Dolores giggled in her office, where cat-plates and pink fight for dominance. She would really like to show the young gay man, a better way to live. Homosexuals were no problem for her, they could be getting pregnant like heterosexuals, too – Lady Magic had really blessed the magical beings so that they wouldn't die out.

 

A little unknown dubious potion would help to influence Potions Master Snape in her wished direction and the Ministry know how to correct those most gifted wizards and witches for their own beneficial.

* * *

Severus quietly sneaked a ginger nut biscuit, and started to nibble at it, he was hoping to be able to go at least one meal without being sick, hell not feeling nauseous would be good at least at this point. Severus had just had it confirmed that he was once again pregnant, and the elders of his whole extended family would be staying and planning the dehuming of Albus.

 

It wouldn’t be long before the brewing, flying or upsetting Severus ban would be in place, and the family would until Severus' child was three years of age not try to poison him at family events. But of course that would not be the worst of it, Remus and him would have to bond and quickly! The family did not do single parenting. Your partner got you pregnant you bonded, you got somebody pregnant you bonded, no ifs or buts that was the family rules. Which was why his parents had been married the day he was born! 9am the funeral of Great, Great, Great Uncle Fred, his parents wedding at 12 noon his mother was in labor by 2pm and 5pm he was born, his father had explained that the wedding was a bit close to his birth because it was so soon after Christmas and New Year, they had to cremate his Great Great Great Uncle Fred that day because it was the first available date after the New Year celebrations.

 

Apparently the combined wake and wedding breakfast had been a good bash, and was still legendary in family history for the mayhem it produced. His parents had many years of happy marriage, in fact his step-mother was his mother's birthing partner and was one of the first people to see Severus born! But today was his first day as Gryffindor head of house and he would make the perfect impression on his Lions.

* * *

Harry and his friends waited inside Gryffindor house for Professor Snape to come and start the first house meeting of Gryffindor that he had ever known. When all the Gryffindors during supper had nothing but talk about the fact the Severus was now the head of house and there was going to be a house meeting with him today before breakfast. Draco just rolled his eyes and said welcome to Slytherins world. Blaise had piped up with at least we have our Snape who we know is human. The other head of houses apart from Fillius look looks like Death's Granddaughter on a good day...

 

There was Harry admitted that when Severus wanted make his entrance to a room he could pull off theatrical and spectacular. It may have also had something to do that the git had disillusioned himself in the common room and scared nearly everybody to death literally, when he had made his dramatic appearance. The little first years thought he could appear from nowhere, and most of the older students were wondering whether his reputation of having bat like hearing was true, because of most them had said uncomplimentary things about him before appeared.

Harry looked at Ron and grinned, if his entrance was pure dramatic then his welcoming talk was positive Churchillian as the British Muggles would say. By the end of his talk he had them eating out of his hands and determined to restore Gryffindor’s tarnish reputation abroad.

* * *

Severus had excused himself from his families quarters just before the Gryffindor house were due to meet him for the house meeting before breakfast in the morning. He was waiting for the students from his house to be ready for him, when he made his dramatic appearance in the common room!

 

First on the list was to take some anti-emetics for his morning sickness, there was no way he was going to show he was ill during the most important meeting as Head of house, he knew that this meeting would either make or break him as Gryffindor’s head. He then went and disillusioned himself waiting the little monsters of his new house. He was taking a leaf out of the book of the actor Alan Rickman, he now knew the man’s style especially when he portrayed that Professor of the magical school in those films. Really Dragon (Uncle Conrad’s daughter) owed him for watching all the films etc. that as she had put it “He is the most sexy, brilliant, romantic, loveable actor there was”

 

When he had just happened to mention that said brilliant actor (eye roll) “was just younger than her dad, which would make anybody ancient, that he played mostly the villains especially that professor in that series of films” Curtis (another cousin) at that moment had wandered down to find himself a drink, or a mallet he said to stop his bonded Rockvillers snoring. He had just shook his head and said “Do not try to understand women, mate and who they find romantic and loveable, personally I have come to the conclusion that women just love scoundrels, the worse and more evil the better..”

 

At this Dragon had started sniveling and replied “He is just wonderful, how can you not watch Sense and sensibility and Close my eyes and not see how just wonderful, good looking, brilliant he is and has nothing to do with any fantasy of him shagging me on his desk in that potions classroom. Men are such philistines. And his acting in Dark Harbor was so riveting” Severus and Curtis just looked at each other yep they both silently agreed there was nothing as strange as women.

 

Curtis said “So the fact he was naked in the film, didn’t perhaps influence your perspective at all…..I mean if I saw one of my idols naked it might make me like the bloody film”

 

Severus had just started to say ”did she realize that he would put his bloody back out if he tried to shag anybody on his classroom desk” when Curtis just shook his head “It’s just not worth it mate! When women have fantasy’s, just hope they happy to keep them in their dreams, unless it is of course England doing the impossible and beating Germany again in the soccer world cup 10-0, now that was a fantasy every Englishman wanted to become real”

 

“Get real!” Dragon responded “That’s not a fantasy but almost an impossibility, Wales had more chance of reaching the semi-final in the European Soccer cup 2016 then England ever had of winning anything” and she fast forward the bloody film sense and sensibility again to when Colonel Brandon apparently carried a stupid cow miles in the pouring rain because he ‘loved’ her, and then she fell ‘in love’ and married him.

 

Of course Dragon said her “brother was a cynical philistine, who did not have romantic bone in his body, and she pitted poor Rockviller” Severus like most men he would wager, secretly thought Curtis was spot on his synopsis of the leading ladies motives. That she had decided to fall in love with richer man, who was a pushover to her sniveling eyes so she could have a life of luxury. But wisely kept his counsel to himself! But one thing he had learnt by watching bloody Rickman hundreds of times was that the entrance and any old speech delivered the correct way, would make or break an audience take that professors speech that most women apparently could recite by rote because it was the most romantic and impressive speech they had ever heard ‘whatever’ thought Severus.

 

When Dragon had said “That the author of the books had begged Saint Alan Rickman to be the professor character, because he was the best actor who could portray him with sensitivity etc. So what did that tell the two philistines in the room then?”

 

Curtis had been brave enough to answer “That the author and film producers had known get Alan Rickman in the films and they had a series of block busters. ‘women’ (with finger quotes) would go see Alan I want to be shagged by him Rickman in anything. So it stood to reason get him to play his trademark villain role, and the women would keep coming back for more especially as they all now confused the bloke characters now with that Colonel Brandon. Which meant that the cinemas could count on most families seeing said films, then there would be the DVD sales and BBC reruns, after of course SKY Films had shown it for months if not years in advance. In fact he knew several mates who had been able to have the SKY complete package including the sport channels installed because SKY showed the bloody films on their channels. And if the 007 film producers idiots had got Alan Rickman to be 007 in the bond films, the men would have been dragged to the cinema to see the films by their wives and partners as soon as the films were in on their local cinemas”

 

At that Dragon had shushed him, because the important scene when Alan Rickman had do anything or go mad was on. Then they had reached the end of the film, and she was rewinding it back to that scene again! Oh joy of joy, at that time he was sorely tempted to go get Lala up so they watch Frozen again, Arielle the little mermaid or Merlin forbid Thomas the Tank Engine just for a bit of stimulating entertainment!

 

He would even agreed to sing “Let it Go” a dozen times followed by “Under the Sea” to his little niece, only to escape from this hellish scenario. “You have so a nice voice, why don't you sing more often for us...” - and go to her imagined tea parties, when this meant a little bit peace and quiet.

 

Well after his welcoming speech to the house, the new expectations that he expected of the little monsters, that the bullying etc. would stop, of ensuring that they all helped each other and followed the bloody rules. He outlined the punishments from him for being found out of bounds or out after curfew (then he had informed them hope it was the headmaster that caught and punished them and not him. He informed them of the new bed times for years 1-5 and the little monsters just stared at him adorningly. His final parting shot was that he expected his new house to beat everybody else academically and he would be having individual meetings with them all to meet them and assist them to ensure they got the help they needed. He would also be having extra meetings with select years to discuss the extra subjects they wanted to study and careers advice. He also said that no member of his house unless they clearly had the gift was going to waste their time studying the subject divination. Then that seventh year twat Prefect Holland asked what about the house cup, didn’t he want Gryffindor to win the cup. Severus had replied that personally he had no interest in who won the cup or the quidditch house cup, and if anybody had noticed even since he was a student here the houses that had won the house cup had been Gryffindor or Ravensclaw, his sole interest was to ensure that when they left these hallow halls everybody in his house would be employable and get the jobs etc. they wanted.

 

He had then done a ‘Alan Rickman as a professor’ exit out of the room, and smiled when he thought he heard at least three quarters of the boys swear to bring honor to their house. At least that would keep them in the dormitories at night, if not then the wards that alerted him that his monsters were up and about should do the trick!

 

Yep whatever you said, watching that actor Alan Rickman had been so totally worth it, even he had felt braindead by the end of it, his first meeting with his new house had gone better than even with his old house Slytherin.

* * *

Harry just couldn’t believe it when sitting down at the family table in the main hall at breakfast time, all he could hear from other students especially the girls were ‘how adorable, handsome, rugged, romantic etc.’ Severus was, and how lucky Gryffindor was to have such a wonderful man as head of their house.

 

The academics in their house like Percy Weasley now worship the ground he walked on because he put academics pursuits above all else, the rest of them had put him on a pedestal when he informed them that he would help them to reach their full academic potential, and counsel them with their career plans.

 

One first year said wasn’t it brilliant that he had regular office hours where you go to speak to him, unlike their old head of house. A second year whispered that her mate in Slytherin had nearly cried when they heard he wasn’t to be their head of house anymore, apparently the reason his detentions were in the evening was because most days before supper he was in the common room insuring that they understood their homework!

 

And the Quidditch team just loved him, because the worry of not bringing home the bloody quidditch cup had been lifted from them, at this rate his father Remus would be beating his housemates from their quarter's door. Then Hermione and Luna joined them looking shell shocked, and the Gryffindors members thanked Merlin that they now had the ‘the dark sexy handsome dungeon bat’ as head of house.

 

Hermione just put her head down on the table and said that Slytherin's new head of house had laid down the same rules as Snape etc. but Merlin scary was not the word she said. Academic standards had to be maintained or she wanted to know why, even Snape she said hadn’t sounded that scary when she had first met him in his first year! Harry outlined what their speech from Snape had been, and Pansy confirmed that yes that was Snape. The reason why Slytherin loved him was because once you were a member of his house, he cared about you not only during your schooling but after Hogwarts. All he cared about was his house worked hard and to the best of their ability, he would help them if he had to and Merlin forbid if you were caught out of bounds or out after curfew, or were caught breaking or flouting the rules. He would try to never embarrass you publicity but Merlin help you when you were called to his office for punishment. He would go and bat for everybody in his house if needed. He had apparently even gone up against Minerva and few other professors not only for Slytherin members but other students as well. Blaise added that it was Severus who had corporal punishment banned when he started here as a professor.

 

 

“What about the house cup and Quidditch cup, was it true that Snape didn’t care if his house won or not?”, a third year Gryffindor asked.

 

Draco replied “That actually no, Snape had only put up the “I am pissed off you have not won either cup” in front the rest of school because had been expected of him. Quidditch was seen as a way of letting off steam, and that Slytherin only played dirty when other especially Gryffindor played dirty back if they remembered. If Snape’s house beat academically the other houses, Snape threw a big end of year party, and they were legendary (every Gryffindor member vowed to be hitting their school books as soon as possible, time to start getting their grades up). But if even though no one realize from other houses, if you were caught bullying, pranking or breaking school rules then you arse was literally toast”

 

Luna reiterated that their new head of house had just reiterated what the other two heads had said, but said she was soooo disappointed that Ravensclaw was not top academically in Hogwarts, and he wanted to see an improvement please….. so forget the house cup, they were concentrating on their studies now. It was Ginny that suggested getting together into inter house studying groups to try to help each other, and everybody agreed it was a good idea.

* * *

Half way though breakfast an owl landed beside Harry, he took the letter from its leg and gave it bacon. He opened the letter to find that the Headmaster had called him to his office after breakfast. His two friends Ron and Hermione decided to accompany him to the office.

 

Harry looked at his dad, and Severus just slightly nodded his head to indicate that he would be there with Harry. After breakfast Harry made his way up to the office in the company of his three friends Ron, Hermione and Draco. Harry didn’t know what they could do to halt Dumblesnores games and manipulations, but it was a comforting gesture to him.

 

Harry and his friends stepped in to the headmasters office, where Dumblesnore, his parents, a toad like woman and his Uncle Conrad and Great Aunt Rosemary were waiting for him. Also included was Professor Flitwick and the heads of the three muggles schools that were entering the tournament.

 

"Fanastic, a pink toadie", muttered Hermione sarcastically, the boys hid their laughter in fake coughs, but both agreed secretly with Hermione.

 

“Ah we are all here!” Dumblesnore announced in his most grandfatherly voice “Now I am afraid Harry, Severus and Remus that I have bad news for you….after reading the eight-wizard tournament contract….I must insist that as your legal guardian the night of the selection for the participating champion….that you step up and take responsibility for your actions…you must compet…..”

 

Severus looked livid with rage and was just about to start to lambast Albus, with Remus having difficulty keeping his Moony under control, when Aunt Rosemary shook her head at them and said in steel laced voice “Severus, Remus listen to you betters and elders, Headmaster Dumbledore YOU ARE SAYING ON YOUR MAGIC THAT YOU WERE HARRY’S MAGICAL GUARDIAN THAT NIGHT AND THAT YOU WILL NOT RELEASE HIM FROM THE CONTACT?”

 

Albus smiled at the dotty old muggle “Yes of course! It is unfortunate…..but Harry needs to understand that he can’t just get out of situations that he has created….it just would be teaching him and others students at Hogwarts…that there are no untoward consequences to their behavior”

 

Uncle Conrad then spoke “Will you swear on your magic Headmaster Dumbledore as Harry's Magical Guardian that he will compete in the tournament, attend all his lessons and only use spells and magical knowledge up to fourth year?”

 

“Now that’s not fair” Said the toad like women sweetly “If Harry can (simpering noises) use up to seventh year spells…then he should be encouraged to do so!” everybody else in the room except for Harry, his friends and parents nodded in agreements. Dumbledore then spoke the unbreakable vow that Harry had to compete in the tournament, attend all lesson and be treated as a normal student and only be allowed to use spells or magic up to the seventh year.

 

With that Uncle Conrad and Aunt Rosemary smiled, and the toad like women said in a simpering voice “Oh Albus, how nice that you are one of the Hogwarts Champions, after all as Harry’s magical guardian you have to compete instead of him” Albus looked thunderous and shouted “WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I HAVE TO COMPETE. IT WAS HARRY'S BLOODY NAME THAT CAME OUT OF THE GOBLET OF FIRE NOT MINE!”

 

“AH!” Uncle Conrad now waded into the discussion “You were the adult who forced him to complete….you see I went back to the original TRI-WIZARD-contract that Crouch so helpfully told us superseded the newer one…..and one of the stipulations added was that no minors or children under the magical majority e.g. seventeen could be entered into the competition…there had previously been issues with guardians entering their wards in the tournament to kill them off….so a clause was added…that if a guardian gave their permission for a minor to be a champion then they had to take the child’s place….and Harry was correct, somebody else added his name to the other eligible students names….nobody underage since that ruling has been able to place their name in the Goblet!....Hope you enjoy your time as a student Mr. Dumbledore” with that there was silence in the room. Then a voice was heard to say “Ahem, Ahem. Mr. Dumbledore as you are now a student of Hogwarts it has been decided that you join the house of Hufflepuff….we don’t want any students in Gryffindor trying to dehume you now…..oh we have these little bands…”

 

“I am the most accomplished wizard in this room…I have three masters and ten NEWT outstanding…”

 

“You don’t Mr. Dumbledore….You have two NEWTS at the level of achievement and they are care of the magical creatures and divination…so you can easily afford to be taught again the subjects you failed in! …the cuffs that you will wear will limit your magic to seventh year spells….” Dolores Umbridge was enjoying the discussion immensely.

 

“But what about my duties! I am Headmaster…the Wizengamot, being chief warlock”

 

“Have been rescinded I am afraid…after all we can’t have a student taking such responsibility. Don’t worry Mr. Dumbledore the Muggle government has on very short notice helped us find a more robust and able Headmaster for Hogwarts…if you will please just put these cuffs on and then you will be escorted to Diagon Alley to buy your supplies” Dolores Umbridge smiled sweetly at him.

 

Harry looked around the clustered office and then at his friends. He didn’t have to compete, he never had to compete, he was going to enjoy watching Dumblesnore competing in the competition, it would be such sweet revenge!

 

“Ah yes, Professor Snape if you could please stay behind, there are some important points which I have to discuss with you on behalf of the Ministry of Magic. As I was informed by the designated Headmaster the Room of Requirement is already prepared for this special meeting. It shouldn't take a long time.”

 

Dolores had a handkerchief prepared with a little drop of liquid imperio and as Severus bowed down to give her the obligatory kiss on her hand, it touched his skin, what allowed the compulsion to work.

 

“As you wish Ms Umbridge. Please follow me.”, replied Severus woodenly. He felt that something wasn't right, but he didn't know how she managed to pull it off in front of so many witnesses.

 

Harry looked anxiously at his dad, but before he or Remus could say anything they had left the headmaster's office. “Do you think he is okay?”

 

“I don't know Harry, maybe Sev can tell us more, after he had spoken to Ms Umbridge.”, tried Remus to calmed him down. He didn't like it at all, but as a werewolf and half-breed in the eyes of the Ministry he have to be very careful, not to endanger their family.

 

After entering the Room of Requirement and the vanishing of the door for the duration of the meeting, Umbridge directed him to one of the chairs, where shackles hang loosely down. Still in a trancelike state he followed her instructions and sat down.

 

Giggling she put the shackles on his wrists and legs, so that he couldn't do anything. Afterwards she used the antidote to free him from the illegal and dark potion.

 

“W-WH-WHAT?”, stammered Severus.

 

“Not to worry, Professor Snape, I only want to talk with you. Without any interference from a third instance. No, no, please stay calm. It would be a shame, when something happened to that halfbreed or your young ward.”

 

Severus glared angrily at her, but bit on his tongue.

 

“Good, very good Professor. I am sure we can find a common ground for this little talk.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The old and new Slytherins learn the ground rules and their new battle Song from Laddy Fritton. As one of the St. Trinian Girls run into the room to inform Hermione and Co. that Severus is being tortured by the pink toad in the Room of Requirement. Hermione informed Remus, Harry and Great Aunt Rosemary and the group hurried to the secret room. Dolores Umbridge tried to *convince* Severus to work together with the Ministry, when he wanted his mate and his young ward to be kept unharmed and even announced his secret.

Lavender Brown as a pureblood Gryffindor student was having a very hard time settling into her new house Slytherin. She like other pureblood witches from other houses than Slytherin had been brought up to be demure the typical 50’s White American housewife. Pureblood witches were brought up to be demure, simpering wives of their partners, their job was to run a home properly. Proper pureblood witches never had their own opinions, never had an occupation outside the house and child rearing. But since being sorted into Slytherin she and the rest of her female compatriots from the Gryffindor house had found and started to embrace feminism.

 

They had been astounded when their Head of house Lady Fritton had looked at her girls and said “I do not believe in feminism!” there had been protests from the Gryffindor witches. Lady Fritton continued “I do not believe that us Ladies should have to be equal to the weaker sex men. Men need the encouragement and support to do well in life…..A lady knows this and works to make this happen. But all young ladies have a choice! You can either be single and make a success of your life or be married and ensure your spouse treats you to the life you deserve…….remember that before you were the St Trinians alumni who have trail blazed a path for all you to follow…..women like Morticia Adams our head girl, Lady Rosemary Snape….to name just a few of St. Trinian ex students…. Morticia Adams' daughter Wednesday attends our school now…and we have great hopes for her to eclipse her mother. Now I will introduce you to your new Head girl Kelly Jones Annabelle who will help to encourage and foster your talents. Augusta Break Bones is the new Quidditch captain, her successes on the hockey fields are legendary! Other schools now concede when they hear she is playing on our team”

 

“But Lady Fritton, We can’t play Quidditch against the boys teams…they are unstoppable” a Gryffindor girl tried to explain. The rest of the witches nodded their heads in agreement. The students from the Assassins academy just sneered, there were ways of ensuring the other teams never made onto the field let alone the air.

 

Lady Fritton squared her shoulders and commanded her girls to sing the St. Trinians school song and now their houses song! The St. Trinians girls as one stood up and started to sing

 

Make us worthy make us proud

Teach us not to be too loud

We’ll try and fit in with the crowd

But we are Slytherin

 

**Slytherin! Slytherin! Our Battle Cry**

**Slytherin! Slytherin! Will never die**

 

Maiden of Slytherin’s, gird your armour on

Grab the nearest weapon, never mind which one

The battle is to the strongest, might is always right

Trample on the weakest, glory in their plight

 

**Slytherin! Slytherin! Our Battle Cry**

**Slytherin! Slytherin! Will never die**

 

Stride towards your fortune boldly on your way

Never once forgetting there’s one born every day

Let our motto be broadcast “Get your blow in first”

She who draws the sword last always come off worst

 

**Slytherin! Slytherin! Our battle cry**

**Slytherin! Slytherin! Will never die**

 

“ _ **And now everybody lets sing our song as we mean it!”**_ Lady Fritton commanded, and the whole of Slytherin house stood up and sung with gusto and pride their new house song! Suddenly Lucy the Geek group leader (technical group) burst into the common room and shouted to Hermione “We have to get to your mate's father, his other dad is being tortured in the room of requirement!”

 

Hermione did no more but floo call Remus Lupin Harry's father, and ask him floo into Slytherin common room. He arrived moments later with Great Aunt Rosemary in tow. When Remus stepped out the floo he immediately felt intimidated and back himself into a wall. These girls his Moony realised were dangerous creatures, who would use any means to get what they wanted or needed. He had realised that a mere werewolf would never be a match for these young ladies, even on a full moon.

 

It was quickly explained to the two newcomers what was happening in the room of requirement. Remus was all for hot footing it to the room of requirement and tearing the throat out of the toad! Aunt Rosemary stopped Remus with a shake of her head and whipped out her new Samsung phone S10 Edge and asked a favour from the Irish family that they sometimes helped and collaborated with. After all it was very bad form for an Assassin to dehume someone they held a grudge against, so the unwritten rule in the Assassins' guild was you called in a favour from another guild member. A few minutes later Dolores Umbridge had a contract out on her and the Irish coming to play with her head and body literally!

* * *

Dolores Umbridge in the room of requirement relished in her power over another mortal, never realising that as she did so she was sealing her fate!

 

“Now Professor Severus! To ensure our privacy I have ensured that this room is warded so that nobody can listen into our conversation…”

 

Severus looked at the toadish woman and nearly smirked at her, of course she would only think of warding against magical ways of listening into their conversation. When he knew for a fact that the muggles school would have already bugged the room and would no doubt be listening into the conversation. All he had to do was listen and try not let the cat out of the bag as it were.

 

Dolores Umbridge walked around the room, and then simpered as she did a scan on Severus and said astonished “Oh my, you are pregnant…..hmm…shame it is a half-blood werewolf child, but there is no record of a second generation werewolf being bred. It seems that the werewolf gene is only specific to the person who was infected”

 

Crap thought Severus as he closed his eyes. He desperately wanted to Avada Kedavra the toadish witch, she had just broadcasted to his family and mate that he was pregnant. The restrictions and limitations he would now have to endure because they knew of his pregnancy. Well no matter what was decided about the shot wand bonding, he would not be wearing white or cream and definitely not ivory, the colours did nothing for his complexion.

 

The one time, when you could really need Bellatrix Black-Lestrange, and she wasn't available. Room of Requirement, sure - “A Bellatrix Black double would be nice, feel free to maim and kill that toad, and hurry, please.” - no reaction at all. “Don't tell me she manage to destroy it somehow.”

 

“Well Severus what we plan to do in order to ensure the continuation of the wizarding world stock is….” Dolores continued. “Oh would you seriously consider suicide, Dolores?”, asked Severus innocently.” She was fast, he had to admit it as she hit him hard on his cheekbones. “He is really a bad influence on you, Severus. But we have time to correct it. And you will learn, I can assure you.”, giggled Dolores. She conjured a pink paddle decorated with Slave and swished it through the air. Another swish with her wand, banished the chair and chained him to the wall. A third spell exposed his back to the crazy bitch. “We have even special classes for such cases. The question is, will you behave now or do I have to teach you a real lesson first, Severus? It would be too bad, when this could mean that young Harry would have to spend his summer in Azkaban for almost exposing our world to muggles and aiding a dangerous and ruthless mass murderer to escape his justified punishment. Did he still hear his mudblood-mother beg for his pathetic life.”

 

“A small taste, what you can expect, should you remain stubborn, my dear Severus.”, cooed Dolores and brought the paddle hard down on his exposed back. He hissed, that had hurt, and than followed a whole barrage of hits to his unprotected back, until he only hung limp in the shackles and tried to control his breathing again.

 

Dolores admired her handiwork as she banished the paddle and stepped closer to her unwilling guest and began to caress his body. “I'm sure you are now more willing to listen, what I have to say to you, Professor, don't you agree?”

 

‘Drop down dead, preferably in a most horrendous way’ thought Severus, and with that Severus just went into a meditative state intently not listening any longer to the stupid witch nonsense or her touches! Luckily she stopped them and stepped away from him to have more space for her speech.

 

“The Ministry must have a way to control the creatures in our midst, first and foremost creatures that need to be controlled are the werewolves. These creatures are after all governed by their emotions, they are ravenous beasts….now the ministry want to develop a potion that will turn them into animagi. They will have to be collared and registered with the Ministry after all, but the potion should be able to curb their violent tendencies”

 

Severus heard the last bit of the toads monologue and thought ‘Violent tendencies! Remus was not violent, only when he tied him up and used the whips and paddles on his bare behind. Or when he was being spanked by Remus for breaking one of their agreed numerous stupid rules. Severus suddenly had a nasty thought, Remus wouldn’t stop their active sex life because he was pregnant. Well if he did, Severus was coming to ensure that the toad paid in full, with her own blood preferably. He would never admit it, but he was always a bit bloodthirsty, when he was pregnant, did they have any vampires in their ancestry? Even then he rarely submit to his darker urges, it wasn't worth the stress with the hypocrites at the Ministry of Magic. Severus was suddenly thrown back into the time when he had first met Lupin again outside their school years.

 

_**flashback** _

 

If only someone had told Severus the joys of sex, he would have started bonking earlier. But to be fair at Hogwarts he had always been viewed as a weird oddball. He was known as that half-blood by his house mates, so consequently was beneath their notice.

 

The bullying by the marauders and the rampant favoritism by Hogwarts staff, with his imposed glamour’s during his later years, only cemented the vision that other house members had of him, and it wasn’t flattering.

 

Jesus Christ thought Severus, who would have thought it, Mills (his cousin) definitely knew how to have a good time, she had decided that this summer her mission was to give Severus expert guidance and support with his sex life. Mills had been aghast at Christmas when she realized that Severus little black book had only 2 names, one was his tutors contact details, the other Tabitha.

 

Severus had known Tabitha it seemed forever, well at least since he was twelve. She was older than him, and his mum had paid Tabitha to look after him in the summer holidays whilst she worked. Well Tabitha had continued to ‘baby sit’ him till this year, after all Tabitha viewed it as her mission to ensure that he knew how to have and give amazing sex, even though Tabitha was gay. She had always believed it was her duty to her straight sisters to ensure her 'younger brother'  i.e . Severus knew had to give amazing women amazing sex. Their relationship had continued this year, and their friendship had turned into a more sibling type relationship.

 

Thank Merlin that Tabitha hadn’t told anybody about the incident at one of the local stately homes, or the fact that the randy old bugger who had caught them behind the trees, had videoed the whole episode, and then unbelievably had started to criticize Severus ' technique. It had to be said that Severus never quite saw Great Aunt Rosemary in the same light, after the bloke’s wife decided to join in the fun. Come on, Severus knew that what his mum said, there was newer arthritis medication. But what she did with her legs would put a Russian gymnast to shame. But at least at the end of the session he knew how to give good oral sex, as well as the joys of the doggy position, for both sexes. Yep that was one tutoring session that Frank hadn’t taught or h e was sure his parents weren't aware off. 

Severus turned around in his bed, and smiled at the sexgod in there with him. He had picked Remus up at a little café called ‘Cake, Kink and Sex’ in Convent garden. Remus had then taken him to an exclusive night club south of the river.

 

What an education it was, the exclusive night club only happened to be a BDSM club. He now wasn’t sure whether he was straight, gay or bi. He never had seen the attraction of dominant woman, and the established domatrixs there seemed scary.

 

But then he had been dragged into a scene in the club’s male toilets. He found himself at the end of a long line of men, which was to say normally unusual. When he reached the end of the line he found himself positioned sprayed out over a convenient surface, with his naked arse in the air, this woman with an air of authority than proceeded to paddle him. Every so often she stopped (when he felt it was beginning to sting a little too much), and started to gently rub his arse and then his shaft, and when he was nice and hard she went down on him. Of course he had come, who wouldn’t. She then the minx berated him for his lack of stamina and started again. At one stage he had ended up naked on a swing trying not to come whilst she was masturbating him, and a ‘master’ proceeded to spank his arse for being a naughty little boy!

 

Later on he had bottomed with a bloke built like a brick layer and dressed as a cowboy, Severus could safely say that his arse had never had such attention. The feelings he felt when the bloke started to insert a lubricated finger to stretch him were out of this world, and when he found himself finally being taken by the bloke, his whole world just zoned into his dick, the third world war could have started and all he would have been interested in was that the bloke continued to pummel his arse and prostrate and that Severus finally came. He definitely knew what he wanted to be doing at the moment if the nuclear bomb was dropped, and it wasn’t boiling an egg.

 

In the early hours of the morning he had invited Remus back to his home, explaining about the living arrangements ( e.g. parents). He knew that they would have most of the day, His parents were at out at work, dad wouldn’t be home till late at night due to prior commitments and then he would pick mum up from her work after ten.

 

With a smile Remus started kissing Severus, beginning with the throat and slowly moving downwards, when he got to his cock, he ignored it and started to slowly licking his inner thighs. When Severus was wet enough he tied him up to the bed and started to lazily masturbate over him, whilst slowly stroking his cock and balls with his other hand, occasionally stopping to administer attention to his nipples. When he finally came over him, he started to suck and bite at her nipples and balls sending Severus into exclamations of ecstasy, finally when he was writhing on the bed and shouting at him to finally fuck him. He slowly eased his dick into his arse and started to bring them both to a series of mutual organisms.

 

When they were finally both spent, and laying in each other’s arms, Severus looked up to see the cats rating his sexual prowess in the sheets (he was sure that they weren’t impressed), and then he saw the two cups of hot tea by the side of his bed. His mum then asked outside the door, what did Severus and his friend want for their lunch, and was it alright to order Chinese again.

 

Fuck, what was his mother doing at home, she was meant to be at work. Oh no, please thought Severus don’t tell me she had just finished one of her odd night shifts at the hospital!

_**End of flashback** _

 

Severus came out of the that particular memory with a smile on his face and realized that he had just zoned out for most of the toads rantings.

 

Dolores Umbridge smiled like Peter Pettigrew as the rat had managed to resurrect the Dark Lord, a real wonder that he botched that potion, but made it possible for him to return once more. She giggled again and said in her aggravating simpering voice “Well now Severus! We have come to a mutual arrangement….I can’t wait to see the results of the potions and spell work that you will develop for the ministry, after all it would be such a shame if something unto ward was to happen either your partner or your ward Harry Potter” and with that she freed him from the wall and he was free to go, just as he was to leave the room the toad said to him “Severus, you do realize that I have ensured you will not be able to discuss anything to anyone outside this room!”

 

“You are much too valuable for us, as we would be willing to lose you. The Ministry has even special facilities for male bearer, where we would ensure that nobody can find you ever again."

 

Discuss what was said in this room, Severus didn’t even know what the stupid toad had said in the room, let alone discuss with anyone the contents of her ramblings, any way he had more pressing issues, like ensuring his family and partner were still kept in the dark about his pregnancy! Maybe Stephen had something on hand, that could help in that endeavour.  


 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quidditch game: Hogwarts vs. Hartz School (Germany); never underestimate Hogwarts. Severus has been forced by his family to stay at the local Hospital because of his newly discovered pregnancy (twins), which had left him in a very bad mood. New Rules for Hogwarts are now valid - every House will be taught separately especially in Potions. Students starts missing Severus as the new Potions Professors are much more worse than he ever was.

Hogwarts had of course for years played in the inter magical school Quidditch competition, always coming last because the previous administrations had been ordered by school governing board to pick a team that played fair! Which had hand tied all the previous heads to picking a Hufflepuff Quidditch captain to be the Hogwarts school Quidditch captain. After all Hufflepuffs believed in fair play (suckers). But not any longer, the Hogwarts Quidditch team would be picked on those skills and attitudes that produced winners and not losers. The skills were being able to decapitate the opposing player without a backward glance. Being able to cheat without being caught by the referee. After all playing dirty is an art form, and successfully being skilled in one up man ship is a natural British trait that is taught from the cradle to all young ladies and gentleman.

 

 

The new muggle government appointed headmaster took a very different view of what the board of governors could do. So he appointed the best possible students to lead Hogwarts to glory on the sporting fields, the new captains of the schools sporting teams were informed exactly what was expected of the Hogwarts students when entering sporting competitions. There had been a few teething issues between the new vice-captain and Captain of the Hogwarts Quidditch team, but the couple soon worked out their issues, and a nice bonded couple they would make in the future!

 

The first inter school Quidditch fixture was a home match, and it was against the current winners of the Quidditch trophy for the last twenty years, the Hartz mountain school of combined wizarding and magic.

 

Now it was interesting to see the flash back of the pre match debriefing at the school by the current Quidditch and flying professor a Mrs Fusel. The Hartz school listened avidly to their professor and took her words of advice to heart. After all everybody in the wizarding world knew that Hogwarts was an easy 50 + point win (they had once left the field with a 2000 point win!

 

Mrs Fusel rousing speech was “Team remember that all though the win against Hogwarts school is a certainly! That we as a school do not feel sorry for Hogwarts, in order to ensure that we have a buffer of points leading into the rest of the season we must humiliate their Quidditch team. Now is not the time to be nice, no the time is ensure that the team never wants to enter another Quidditch match…….remember we have much harder schools to face and need these points……By humiliating and smashing the Hogwarts team…you will sending out the message that Hartz School takes no prisoners and is a school to be reckoned with!” At this point she turned her gaze to every member of the team including the substitutes, the glower she sent informed the team that she would take no excuses why they wouldn’t smash the Hogwarts team into the ground! “They will be playing a team that can be easily beaten, and I do want the snitch to be caught to soon in the match. We will catch the snitch when we have at least a 1000 point buffer. They are the weaker team…. _ **NOW ONWARDS TO VICTORY!”**_

 

With those rousing words the Hartz school Quidditch team travel with supporters to Hogwarts school of talented and gifted pupils, totally knowing that a 1000 point win was in the bag for them.

It was a much sober team that returned back to the Hartz school of magic! Never again would any other magical school underestimate Hogwarts.

 

Madame Fusel walked into the staffroom and took the joint from the maths teacher, and the bottle of fire whiskey from the Charms Professor. Everybody stared at the mild mannered professor, who never before had even felt the slightest indication that she needed outside crutches to help her relax from attending a school league match!

 

It was Romulus who followed Fusel, who updated his colleagues on the Quidditch game, he looked round and liberated the newly lit joint from the maths professor and answered their question on how had the Quidditch match had gone “We Lost!”

 

“Lost!” Exclaimed the charms professor “It must be at least 50 years since Hogwarts won a Quidditch match”

 

“How could you lose to such a weak team!” exclaimed another professor

 

“Let’s see! “Romulus continued “We had our second team playing against Hogwarts! Our first team was the reserve team”

 

“A very robust team” The potions professor commented

 

“There was at the end of the match only our seeker left flying out of Hogwarts with a Cerberus chasing him as if he was a gourmet meal!” Another professor looked round at his colleagues, and knew his face showed the incredibility there faces showed “Surely you mean figuratively….I mean we know that M….”

 

“ _ **No bloody literally…there was a Cerberus called Fluffy chasing the poor sod off the fucking grounds, we have still to find the poor little sod**_!”

 

"Why?” the astonished junior maths professor asked Romulus, Romulus took a last drag of the joint and liberated the new joint that his colleague had started and continued “…..Somebody on the opposing team decided to teach our second seeker a lesson, because and I quote our first seeker had led their seeker into a dangerous manoeuvre”

 

“What ma..manoeuvre Chaplin can hardly do the Wronski Feint now….or can he?” the potions master asked

 

“NO HE CAN’T……But there fucking seeker a little shit called Potter….. apparently the youngest ever seeker in Hogwarts for at least a century accidentally fainted and led Chaplin our seeker between their beaters! He seemed to be the adopted son of their Potions Professor Severus Snape and a certain Remus John Lupin.” The rest of the teaching staff in the room stopped what they were doing, smoking or drinking and suddenly took notice “It was a blood bath, between the little hooligans they managed to seriously hurt our teams players and their substitutes. If they got near the scoring hoops their keeper did one of two things” Romulus continued with his eyes closed.

 

“What was that?” asked an intrigued Transfiguration professor, “I mean she is such a nice well brought up witch!” at this statement Madame Fusel nearly aspirated as the fire whiskey she was drinking neat from the bottle when it nearly flowed down the wrong way. The witches eyes glassed over as she finally entered the conversation “Innocent! INNOCENT! _**INNOCENT! Young Witch!**_ Their keeper was a well-built boy called Ronald Weasley, If a chaser made it to the scoring hoops, he accidentally on purpose opened up his Quidditch robes and gave them a front row seat as it were to the stocking, suspenders, corset, throng he was wearing and his assets! Some of the chasers will need psychological counselling for years, when they come out of their comas! If that did not stop them they ended up through the bloody scoring hoops! Did you know you can bounce from a broomstick on to the ground and still survive! At least fifteen of our team might make it out of our school infirmary before Christmas….Out of the other two….they are hoping one wakes from his coma in time for Easter Holidays and the other player might walk again in ten years’ time!”

 

“The about the other players?” The potions master ask quietly, not really wanting to know the answer

 

“ **They were still trying to release two of their bodies from the scoring hoops that that the beaters had** **accidentally** **push them part way through with the help of one of their chasers**!” Romulus replied to the question.

 

“But surely the impartial referee noticed and stopped the game? It’s taken years for our team to be able to bend the rules without the bloody referee noticing”

 

“The referee had only eyes for the Hogwarts cheerleading group!” Mrs Fusel explained further, when she saw her colleagues not believing her statement, the eye rolling to each other gave it away “You know at the Quidditch world cup the Veela team mascots?” everybody in the room nodded yes, of course they remembered and one very bright spark just had to ask the question “They haven’t managed to get a team of Veelas have they?” Mrs Fusel shook her head “Worse…..the cheer leading team was compromised of girls well endowed, legs up to their armpits, breasts that a Wizard Play model would be proud of…..The cheerleading uniform, Corset that just covered the nipples, stockings, suspenders, high heels and skirts that just covered their arses. When the girls bent down it was obvious they were going commando as the muggles quaintly put it” at the still blank looks of her colleagues Mrs Fusel shouted in frustration _**“THEY WORE NO BLOODY KNICKERS! The referee only had eyes for the cheerleading girls…..the massacre of our team by the Hogwarts hooligans went unnoticed, especially when the little darlings did a traditional all girl tribal muggle dance called the Can Can. It was when a bushy haired girl was doing a serious of**_ _ **non-stop**_ _ **cartwheels, that the referee attention was distracted enough for the Hogwarts team to bounce our keeper between the beaters bats! And when we manage to bend the rules ever so slightly, the cheerleaders stopped their dance and the referee notice our team flouting the bloody rules………because their bloody match announcer ensured attention was brought to it! I can’t be sure….but I think some of our rule breaking was to ensure the team members were sent off the pitch!**_ _And I can’t blame them really_ _ **”**_ The silent O’s round the room mirrored Mrs Fusel telling of the Hogwarts home match. Never again would the Hartz school of magic or other schools underestimate a Hogwarts team!

 

“Wait a second, what was their Potions Professor called?”, asked Martin the astronomy professor. “Severus Snape, why do you want to know?”, inquired Ms Fusel. “SNAPE!, and our team fought against his son. We're lucky to be alive. Severus Snape is infamous not only for his family relations, but he had made a name for himself. No one in his right mind, would even openly attack his son or his mate. He can kill you in a huge variety of ways, without any evidence leading back to himself and even get easily rid of all remains of his victims. I'm quite sure, if you would be politely asked who set the Cerberus loose, then he would even admit of doing it, just to teach some enthusiastic Quidditch players a lesson.”

 

“You're joking!”, gasped one of the other teachers.

 

“Oh no, not at all. I have seen his file once at a Potions Conference in Budapest 1981 – highly decorated member of the British SAS S-Unit. One of their best sniper, codename Panther. You only try to harm his family and you're lucky to make it out of the country alive.”, replied Romulus anxiously.

* * *

Back at Hogwarts the after game celebrations lasted well into the night! A new level of co-operation had been born between the students and houses. As one pureblood

student nicely summed it up for everybody “who knew how useful a muggle tribal dance could be!”The Quidditch Vice Captain Augusta Break Bones and the Quidditch Captain Marcus Flint found a very quiet place to shag each other’s brains out.

 

It had upset Augusta Break Bones that Marcus Flint the Gryffindor house Quidditch captain had been appointed the Hogwarts Quidditch Captain, but after initial sniping the two had come to a good working arrangement and understanding and finally to them becoming a couple.

 

Marcus Flint was not the brightest wizard, and normally like most big and burly men he was the softest person you could hope to meet, helping old witches across the road. Being the big brother to the younger years etc., but his one redeeming quality that when he played any sport but especially Quidditch he played to win! He believed in playing dirty, bending the rules and breaking opponents bones if he had been allowed by his head of house! When Augusta’s had realised what a prince was hidden under Flints exterior she fell in love with him, it also helped that he came from quite a wealthy family, he was a young gentleman that needed a woman’s guiding hand to ensure he was a success, and Augusta was going to ensure she was the woman who be there for him. She had also worked out that this was unfortunately his last year of education. So like all good old St Trinians girls before her, she would learn what she could from her superior and continue next year Hogwarts trail of glory on the sports field, and ensure she had a ring and a bonding agreement in place!

 

And the former Slytherins on the team know exactly who was responsible for letting the Cerberus loose on the unlucky team. They didn't need a louder warning to know that they have to look out for Harry, as long as he played for their Quidditch team. Professor Snape was always very creative, when he wanted to show them his displeasure. Even then they couldn't be sure how he managed to soak the opponent team's seeker with this special potion, seconds before the game had started, that makes Fluffy run wild. And none of them was suicidal enough to ask him about it.

 

Every Slytherin who had even dared to throw a random ingredient into another cauldron had the dubious honour of one of his special detentions. Not even the biggest dunderheads risked it again, after being confronted with his justified ire. And of course the parents had been notified as well. Corporal punishment wasn't longer used at Hogwarts, but for rare instances, and when the parents gave their written consent, often it was only the purebloods who would allowed this after being informed about the cause for the punishment. Cleaning a room with a toothbrush and without magic, that would be a blessing in itself, when you compared it with his real punishments for incorrigible persistent offender. He never needed more than two years to brought them in line.

 

But the celebration of the cheerleading squad captained by Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger lasted the longest and nobody at Hogwarts denied the girls and one boy their good fortune. Unbeknownst to the Hogwarts students there had been scouts for the Quidditch professional teams and the English Quidditch and football teams. After a compromise both regulating authorities had signed the team up to be their official cheerleading squad. The muggle paper the SUN was also trying to get a group photo of the older girls for its famous hard hitting political page 3.

* * *

The students at Hogwarts were not greedy, stab your mother in the back people. But for the sum of roughly £600,000 they relented after all they were human and that much money could buy a lot. Insure the school was financially secure, especially after the thieves guild school had found the muggle British government proposal, which had been implemented and was to integrate St Trinians, Hogwarts, Assassins academy, Fools Academy and the Thieves school into a new specialist school named Hogwarts, the school for the gifted and talented student! After all the new headmaster with his background wouldn’t stop them, he would most probably see it as encouraging inter house relationships!

 

The Slytherin and Hufflepuff houses had also worked out the odds, and reckon with a bit of work and careful betting they could at least quadruple the prize money. After all they now had access to the internet and the online betting craze.

 

Hermione had already managed to win them a hefty stake in the online poker games, she played like a pro and took no comers when smashing her opponents!

 

An inter house conference was called and representatives of the four houses attended the conference, after much discussion and persuasion it was agreed by the inter house council that the houses would band together and win the tournament, ensuring the prize money went to a deserving cause e.g. their school! No it was only right the inter school council decreed that the students of Hogwarts succeeded in dehuming Dumbledore, they after all had to put up with his presence for too long.

 

The council also decreed that to ensure they won the dehuming competition, that they would have to run interference and ensure nobody else managed to dehume the competitions target. The inter house council agreed that unless it was to Hogwarts school benefit the houses would of course try to kill each other in the school inter house sporting competitions e.g. football, Netball, Hockey, Swimming, Ruby and of course the Quidditch sporting tournament. After all what better way to sharpen and hone those life skills then dodging your murderous opponents on the sporting field. But when facing other schools Hogwarts would come together to pick the best team to annihilate the opposition.

* * *

Severus was fuming, oh it was alright for his muggle midwife and gynaecologist to put him on strict bed rest, apparently he had dangerously high pressure, gestational diabetes and expecting twins. And the damn morning sickness was still with him. Two months into this pregnancy and the local NHS hospital had got its claws into him. It had started just after the Hartz mountain Quidditch match! Really seeing little Harry being forced into that manoeuvre by the opposing seeker….well he had made sure poor Harry wasn’t bullied anymore, especially by the opposing teams reserve seeker! Well, he could hardly bring his old faithful sniper rifle for a mere Quidditch game and shot him straight from his broom. Most of his colleagues were so squirmy when it came to practical solution, even when he would use a better shooting range from the battlements to ensure that the little cretin would learn his lesson. _**NO ONE BULLIED HIS SON!**_ ” Dobby was such a good house elf, when he wasn’t leading the other elves campaign to imprison him in bed and monitor for his own good of course his meals. Dobby had covered the reserve seeker in a potion that made him smell like twenty day old steak and Hagrid had of course let Fluffy out to watch and play the match at his suggestion! But it was a testament to Harry's strength of character that he did not want mollycoddling as he put it, and attended the celebrations of the school for their spectacular win!

 

 

It was just a shame that they couldn’t post the little cretins remains back to Hartz school. But it was agreed by all that a better solution was to feed them to the new senior groundsman’s mating Acromantulas. They after all apparently needed the protein after living in the forbidden forest, since Hagrid had first released his pet spider.

 

But to return his current predicament, apparently Remus was worried, which meant that he had got everybody else in the family worried.

 

Well he had seen Andromeda Tonks his midwife at St Mungo’s, she had done a few diagnostic spells, Mr. Snape, it’s just a normal male pregnancy, it’s the magic making your partner feel ill, go home and don’t worry. There is nothing else we can do except wait for labour. Well the symptoms hadn’t got better, and when Severus had started itching, Great Aunt Rosemary had done nothing else but taken him to the local NHS accident and Emergency. After hasty explanations about Severus condition, they had run tests, ultra sounds, scans then came to his bedside and inform him of the diagnosis and the plan.

 

His gynaecologist had not been complementary about the magical midwife or magical healers in general, he muttered about dark ages, apparently he was a hermaphrodite, and had functional male and female genitalia. His situation was very unusual, but the gynaecologist with consultation with his colleagues had determined that his pregnancies were natural, and they were thankful that that his magical core had help stabilize his pregnancies, because if it hadn't, he would have lost not only the babies but maybe his life due to the bad healthcare and treatment that the magical midwives gave. It was the fact that he was a normal homosexual (he thought of himself as a man and was attracted to men) that he had become pregnant, Remus was able to get him pregnant just as a normal heterosexual couple got pregnant. But that was not the worst of it, he had pre-eclampsia, diabetes due to the pregnancy, and the morning sickness wasn’t helping. He was ordered to stay in bed and the hospital would closely monitor him throughout this pregnancy, and the icing on the cake, he was having twins. Twins, there was no twins in either side of the family.

 

Well the cosseting had got worse, Remus had made sure that he didn’t lift a finger, he had to inject himself with insulin every day. He could have minute pieces of chocolate. If it wasn’t Remus smothering him to death it was the staff at the maternity unit, the local GP (community doctor), the rest of the family and bloody Dumbo the elf. If he even tried to exert himself somebody in his family informed on him to either Remus or his family, and the lecture would begin. He had Dumbo and the other house elves in tears threatening to punish themselves if Severus didn’t eat, tried to do something, leave the bed etc.

 

Hell, he didn't even had any sex, since they had left him here. Which didn't help his bad mood at all. “Oh no, they would all pay for their audacity.” Remus should be on his side, but once again, he cowered in front of other people. Where was his backbone, when Severus could really need it. And his house would run wild in his absence, they weren't trained like his Slytherins, so who would be responsible to clear that mess?

 

So what was he doing to stave off boredom, there’s only so much reading and television watching you can do, bloody cross stich. His cousin had got him two baby quilts and informed him that he could complete the cross stich on them, he must have lost more blood though the cross stich then in any duels he had been in, he was not a natural, and vowed once this pregnancy was though, then he was though with cross stitch for life, well until the next pregnancy. Now where had he hidden the secret stash of after eight mints and Cadbury's fruit and nut, he deserved a reward, he managed to complete a line of cross stich without bleeding over the quilt or going wrong.

 

But of course he was allowed out of bed for his and Remus' bloody bonding, Severus had been hounded into the ground! He had tried to hide from his partner and his family, but they had at last cornered him and the bonding between him and Remus was planned for two weeks’ time! Bloody House elves had to give up one of his best hiding spots, because they had been asked nicely to help the family to find him, before something could happen to him.

 

A little ceremony in the family’s church and the bonding reception or breakfast at the nearby hotel. Where all the family celebrations ended up being held at. Severus had tried his hardest to put off the bonding, but Great Uncle Walter had just shook his head and said “Now Severus we do not want a repeat of your parents' bonding day! Your parents kept putting the bonding day off and look what happened, and you know that you are having trouble with some the symptoms” Severus did not want to think about what was happening in his potions class! Well at least Remus was now a member of the teaching staff as the new defence against the magical attack class.

* * *

It wasn’t often that all the students collaborated together, but this was an emergency. If the fourth year Gryffindor potion class didn’t do something, then they were dead thought Draco. Goyle who was partnered with Neville had decided very surprisingly to follow a muggle path when he left Hogwarts at the end of his schooling, he was joining the British army and had an ambition to become a bomb disposal expert. Although their head of house was trying to persuade Goyle to follow his pathway in the British army. When asked why Goyle had looked incredulously at his year colleagues, and said because (expletives here please) they had all left him to partner Neville for the whole of their potion course. If he could he reiterated to them survive the next two years of living as Neville potion partner, then he could face anything. The house elves he said had given him a jumper they had knitted themselves.

 

“That’s nice, they like you” replied Draco

 

“It reads, the boy who was fearless….and survived Neville Longbottom as his potion partner” Goyle helpfully pointed out

 

“But….someone mate had to…you know….be his partner….and as you have said you’re learning heaps mate in potions…from being near bottom of the class marks wise…you are almost eclipsing the top students mate” Potter hesitantly pointed out to his mate

 

“Only to ensure that I make it out the f…….g class alive, every practical potion lesson….I pray to all the gods above I make it out alive…..It doesn’t help that I am on first name bloody terms with your uncle DEATH…who is trying to keep my arse alive, only because he has a 10000-1 bet with this Dave geezer that I will make it out alive and finish the two year course breathing….in fact we get on so well together (fingers entwined) that Death has agreed TO BE MY FUTURE CHILDRENS GODFATHER…..it doesn’t help that every time Neville goes to put an ingredient in the cauldron or do something…Death draws in a breath and asks if I have any younger siblings to carry on my families name” Goyle finished shaking

 

“You do have two younger brothers and a sis…” A Hufflepuff student helpfully points out to the group and Goyle.

 

“Not helping mate..” Ron whispers back to him, hoping Goyle can’t hear their conversation.

 

“Goyle mate” Draco said to calm him down “We feel your pain…and we are in the same class with the you and Neville after all”

 

“OH YES IN THE SAME CLASS ALRIGHT…I AM IN THE FURTHEREST BACK CORNER OF THE CLASSROOM…YOU LOT ARE AS FAR FORWARD AS YOU CAN BE….LAST WEEK WHEN A LITTLE POP WAS HEARD FROM OUR CAULDRON….WHERE WERE YOU ALL…CAN’T REMEMBER….OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM HIDING BEHIND PROFESSOR ROOKWOOD’S BLOODY SHIELD…I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY IN THIS SCHOOL MOVED SO QUICKLY…AND THAT HAS INCLUDED HARRY CHASING THE BLOODY SNITCH FOR GRYFFINDOR ON HIS BROOM!” Goyle was shouting tears pouring down his face at the unfairness of it all.

 

“I thought it was bad when (shaking from the tears pouring down his face) Snape was in charge…I mean he was harsh…but he had security wards and shield to protect us…I mean before Neville here, no offence mate started at Hogwarts…there had been no serious potion accidents…if Ron’s brothers the twins couldn’t blow up a cauldron…. Although they tried repeatedly….but these two pointing at Ron and Neville, managed to get thought the security and wards in the Potions classroom, their first or second practical lesson…and even when he enhanced the class security repeatedly…. Even devising new ward and charms after every little fiasco they did. …apparently got a first class masters in Charms and Warding as well as Potions because of it and now…….The Slytherin house is running a bloody book on what lesson we get to meet our maker….and whoever was the fucking arsehole…..” Goyle glowers round at his friends “ _ **Slipped in my bag a leaflets from the muggle funeral directors explaining funeral plans will need their own Funeral PLAN…..!**_ ” Goyle breaks down sobbing uncontrollably at this point, and everybody nodded, yes they needed the Potion head of department to take them for their fourth year potion class. No matter what Harry said it was a matter of life and death for them, as the other potion professors didn’t believe in warding the classroom to keep it safe during practical lessons.

 

“Mate believe me, my DAD would prefer to be here, but they wouldn't let him leave the hospital. Some crap about his health, he wouldn't be monitored closely enough at present at Hogwarts”, tried Harry fruitlessly.

 

“Look” Harry continued, imploring them with his eyes to believe him “You haven't seen his look, that wasn't even a simple death glare, it was much much worse. I fear he is plotting something, that wouldn't end well for those who have restricted him to the Maternity ward in the local Hospital.”

 

Rookwood and the other new potion professors had been heard to say that the children learned faster and better from experiencing their failures in the practical classes, and never repeated their mistakes, far better to learn to be careful now, then when they were on their own as Hogwarts graduates.

 

The Slytherins and Hufflepuffs personally believed that their house mates had got off lightly, well apart from having to play Russian Roulette with their lives! They had Mr Mercicet and Miss Smith-Rhodes as their potions professors. Both their potion professor not only didn’t believe in wards to protect your safety from exploding cauldrons, neither believed in having antidotes to the potions they were brewing. If you were stupid to either not brew the potion correctly or have the necessary antidotes then you deserved to die basically, it had sharpened up their classes brewing skills and safety no end!

 

But the practical classes did have one unforeseen outcome, children from their second ever practical lesson since the Halloween feast had taught themselves some very advanced warding spells and charms. As a first year badger was heard to say going into the great hall one lunchtime after his potion practical lesson "It was one thing having an extra arm, nose or being bald because of your own cock-ups and inattention, but Merlin forbid some arsehole managed to do the above to you by sabotaging your potion”. That may be true they all thought but not when you were literally as the muggles said were playing Russian roulette with your life because one of your classmates was the hapless Neville Longbottom. He took they all thought Gryffindor bravery and courage to a whole new level entirely!

 

The other three houses were just so happy that Hogwarts population had grown, so that there all the houses were taught separately now. Potions was a hard enough subject to pass after all, without the added pressure of having Neville and Ronald as you classmates in the subject! Hermione did feel a little bit guilty about betting on the Gryffindor fourth year survival of the potions class, but she did need the extra pocket money after all. She needed some extra money to finance her stake in the inter house poker competition.

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction of new Headmaster and staffmembers of Hogwarts - you have been warned. Included a study hall, where after showing at the example of one of Professor Snape's frockcoat how to conceal something successfully, all studens were frisked. And in the hospital received Severus a strange letter, who is responsible for it?

Everybody attended the feast that evening to welcome the new headmaster. The hall was outfitted even more magnificently than usual, the first thing that the students noticed was that the four house tables had been split into smaller tables with no house flags above them. The students sat down at the tables predominantly in their houses, but there were a few tables that encompassed all the houses. Harry and his friends noticed the High Table and the staff that was there, after all everybody wanted to know who was their new headmaster, there had been wild rumours that it was the Patrician from Ankh-Morpork!

 

There was a cough from the High Table and everybody looked towards it and just stared, because sitting at the table were a number of new people.

 

The man in the Dumbledore’s seat, which now was just a normal staff chair had risen, he waited for silence then commenced to say “Students of Hogwarts, I am you’re new Headmaster Lord Havelock Vetinari, I have been Patrician of Ankh- Morpork and am a graduate and still a very active member of Ankh-Morpork Assassins Guild and School. The new deputy Headmaster is Captain Samuel Vimes who is proficient in all manners of combat, magical and what you perceive as muggle and has taken out quite a few of very experienced Assassins” The man that the Headmaster introduced stood up bowed and then sat down, the headmaster continued “Due to unforeseen circumstances Dr. Snape has had to take a leave of absence, and when he returns he will be the Head of the mathematics department and Head of he Gryffindor house, and no longer the potions head of department”. As one all the forth year Gryffindors groaned and their heads hit the table tops in frustration and fear. It was also noticed that the Slytherin house betting Tote was calculating the new odds of the forth year Gryffindors making it though their remaining years schooling. “Professor Lupin has joined the staff alongside Ms. Susan Sto Helit and believe me there is no longer a curse on the DADA position, and Susan has a very unfortunate disability FOR YOU, she attacks first and ask questions later, so please don’t think of pranking her I do not want to be filling in the paperwork for injuries she or my other staff members cause stupid students, and believe me if I am unhappy……YOU WILL BE MORE THAN UNHAPPY…she has also graciously agreed to be the new deputy head of house for Slytherin” The young professor stood up from the table, and most of the members of the Slytherin house had turn very pale and sweaty, the new headmaster continued “Ex Auror Rookwood has graciously agreed to take over Dr. Snape’s position as Potions master till the end of the school year, there are a number of new professors who will be assisting Mr Rookwood in ensuring that you pass potions class” again Rookwood stood up bowed to the pupils and sat down again “Our new Head Groundsman and Professor of Magical Creatures is Professor Jaws again he has a previously successful career as an assassin and a major muggle country special agent before agreeing to take this position, there are also my personal clerks Mr. Rufus Drumknott and Mr James Bond please give them the same courtesy that you would give me, especially as Mr James Bond has had a very illustrious career as a special agent and assassin” A Giant that dwarfed even Hagrid stood up with two men, they all bowed and sat down again “Our new head matron has joined us from a very long and illustrious career in the Muggle Health Service and is no push over for students trying to escape their commitments, please let me introduce Registered Nurse Dragon Snape, she has also got a degree and diplomas in other subjects, the other two ladies joining our happy school are Lady Sybil Vimes the wife of the Deputy headmaster…AND HIS WIFE IS THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW OF THAT HE IS SCARED OF so be warned she has agreed to teach and tutor all students in magical and muggle traditions, legal system and fiscal management etc., the other lady to join us is Lady Nanny Ogg who will has joined us the new head of the transfiguration department. _ **NEVER SING ANY SONGS THAT SHE'LL TEACH YOU IN PUBLIC”**_ The three ladies stood up and also bowed to the pupils, Harry really couldn’t decide who look the most scariest out of the witches, but Draco said that was easy it was obviously the Lady Ogg’s cat who was apparently called Greebo” when the three ladies had sat down again, the headmaster continued, “Professor Merecit has gracefully agreed to be the new Deputy head of Gryffindor, Whilst Mrs Rhodes Smith is now the deputy head of the Ravenclaw house and Professor Lupin is now the deputy head of Hufflepuff house. No student is allowed IN THE FORBIDDEN FOREST, it now has been warded to ensure compliance with this directive….believe me any student who even tries to venture into the forest will be caught and seen by me…AND YOU WILL HAVE WISHED THAT YOU HAD PERISHED IN THE FOREST by the time you have completed my punishment. To promote school unity and forge friendship between houses, the house tables are smaller and are not designated to any particular house, you are allowed to sit where you want and this will be actively encouraged.” After this statement, the new Headmaster took a sip of water cleared his throat and continued “There will be a number of changes in the next term and beyond and your Head of houses will inform you of them tomorrow morning, classes have been cancelled for tomorrow and will restart on Thursday...please note the new changes and follow them for your own peace of mind, at the end of the feast we will sing the National anthem ‘God save the Queen’ IN TUNE AND TO THE SAME MUSIC SCORE **..** **.** WE ARE NO MENTAL ASYLUM…OR YOU WILL ALL BE VERY SORRY OTHER WISE, just to clarify that the Durmstrang academy and Beauxbatons school have decided to stay in their modes of transportation during the four wizard competition! It has been decided that as we are all one school that our newest student Mr. Albus Dumbledore and Annabelle Kelly Jones will be representing Hogwarts as our school champions, the inter house committee is already meeting to ensure Ms Kelly Jones is the winner, just another notice for everybody including staff at Hogwarts, there will be from time to time random checks to ensure that only school approved dehuming or fighting weapons are being carried on a person! Please see the list of the approved equipment posted on my clerks door” The new headmaster bowed to the students and then sat down, and the feast began.

 

Harry was sure that it wasn’t just him and friends who were surprised at tonight feast, there was going to be drastic changes to the running of Hogwarts. And he for one was actually looking forward to them. Although he could be imagining the worries and scared faces of members of the houses Gryffindor and Slytherin.

* * *

James Bond 007 sat at the high table looking out at the of the school. The satisfaction that it had given him and Rufus the headmasters other clerk when they through that bitch Pomfrey out on her ear. Madame Pomfrey had of course tried to blackmail the new school administration and then touted the nonsense that she had a life long tenure at Hogwarts. Well the new head school matron had quickly pointed out Madame Pomfrey's error. Madame Pomfrey was guaranteed life long tenure as a qualified medi healer at Hogwarts. But she wasn’t qualified and was a drunkard menace to boot, missing diagnosis and illness that the children brought to her in the schools infirmary. The smarter students had long ago learned to treat their injuries on their own. Only when they didn't know how to treat it, and no one else would be able to help them – Slytherins always asked their Head of House first and attended with renewed determination his first aid courses, were a bit more equipped for possible hardships during their schooling at Hogwarts. It was to Dragon the new head of Hogwarts infirmary that she determined to help disadvantaged children attending Hogwarts. One of the changes that were to be implemented was the screening of every child that attended Hogwarts for either signs of abuse or other conditions. Dragon wanted to screen all the children every year they attended Hogwarts. She also was one of the driving forces behind ensuring that Hogwarts had a robust anti-bullying policy. The terror Weasley twins were in her sights with their pranking, but James believed that their first run in with their new compatriots may change their behaviour very quickly!

 

Between them they had managed to quickly persuade Vimes to allow them to have the privilege of tossing her arse out of Hogwarts. Although he wasn’t a wizard, Rufus as an assassin graduate knew how to hurt people that left no signs of injury on their person. When he had first met the Hogwarts staff on Monday, Rufus, Jaws and him had quickly built up a friendship and Jaws and himself had just re-established their friendship.

 

Rufus had been quite forthcoming that he was a graduate Assassin and a member of the Assassins guild like Lord Vetinari, but because Rufus had graduated his membership was as a Dark Clerk to the Assassins Guild, after a period time and when they had made their opportunities in life, Dark Clerks could and indeed in many cases become full members of the guild or Assassins. But Rufus had happily modified his expectations when he had started to work for the Headmaster. But Merlin help any little sod who thought he was a pushover, he had protected his office and rooms so that any intruders would be found pinned to Jaws hut, and if they were lucky only the family jewels missing, if they were unlucky dead. Jaws had in hero-worship awe commented “wasn’t that going over the top a little bit” (like Jaws defenses weren’t just as robust, he had just brought a couple of his pet pigs over to hide the evidence). Rufus had just smiled and said it only took one person to relay the message he wanted to give, and Jaws and himself had just nodded in agreement.

 

But thought James getting back to his history with the old Nurse Ratchet as she had been nick named in his attendance at Hogwarts. Because James Bond was not his real name of course, there had been many James Bonds through the years. Most of them retired to peaceful hobbies and activities such as Mafia hit men, advisors to master mind criminals, even quite a few became instructors for the next generation of 00 agents, some like Severus became school professors. When asked why he decided to become a school professor especially in a dangerous subject like potion, Severus had always commented “that it kept the old reflexes and skills well-honed and up to date”. Some and he would be one he vowed took the impressive state pension they had earned and departed to sunny shores, where they spent the rest of their time reliving the heydays with associates from both sides, after all being a 007 agent or any secret agent was a job not a life style!

 

It had been a shock when he had attended an interview for a job advertised in the prophet, that specified not working the days of the full moon, to find it was to working with the muggle ministry, they didn’t mind that he was a were wolf or a wizard. For them the fact that he could tear out somebody’s throat without thinking was a boon. It was a bit disconcerting to find out that your trainers and bosses were disappointed that you were amicable and generally a nice person. Well working for the ministry had cured him of that.

  
To join the elite 00s squad would took hard work and training. The 00 comprised of about thirty people, at present there was five vampires, with him twelve were wolves, three ordinary dark wizards, and five ex SAS muggles, and out of all the groups the lesbian ex SAS muggle was the worst, mind you the other four muggles weren’t far behind her.

 

If only the muggles knew that there was a 00 squad, they may not be to impressed to find out there 009 was at the moment a well-built 5 foot 10 woman, who could kick ass better that most men. When one day he asked if perhaps it might not be the job for her. Nymphadora Tonks, had replied if he saw her coming towards him and he had to kill her, would he. No replied James, well you would be dead, because I would have shot you first time I saw you, then she proceeded to hand his arse back to him on a plate, as I have learned it in the SAS S-Unit under Colonel Merryweather. So he was only glad to come and be on protection duty for the service, after all he knew that he could never repay back Severus for what he done for him and others like him.

 

His real name was in fact Mark Johnston, and he had been infected with the werewolf virus as a last ditch attempt to cure him of a fatal childhood illness like Remus Lupin. But instead of his parents turning round and blaming his werewolf sire for ‘infecting him’ they had embraced his other family, so much so that even his pack mates were more scared now of his old woman than their Alpha.

 

Well before he started Hogwarts, Dumbledore had appeared and given him and his parents the crap about “how he allow poor little Mark to join Hogwarts, to learn how to control his condition and how the staff would support him”

 

His old man had just looked at Dumbledore and for the first and only time that he could recall swore and replied “Cut the bollocks arsehole, my children are witches and wizards and have the right to study at Hogwarts, whether or not you want them to. I or his sire will be on the days of the full moon collecting him from Hogwarts, so he can socialize properly with his family, so if that is all you have to say… **f…k off** and don’t come back” and with that Dumbledore had left with his tail between his legs.

 

Well he had attended Hogwarts and it wasn’t him who was bullied by the Marauders and the rest of Gryffindor house it was his little sweet sister Rita who was targeted, and the professors condoned it, and nurse Pomfrey ignored all students who she knew had been hexed, or injured by muggle means. It wasn’t just Slytherin house members that had been targeted, oh no the little Gryffindor shits targeted all houses equally, if for any reason you were weaker or different then your life was hell. It was when he found out the ‘Marauders bit of pranking and fun' to his sister had been stripping her naked and dangling from one of the staircases that he lost his rag and had paid them back, he knew he would be expelled. He would never forget his house mates and especially his sisters face when they realize his retaliation, he had his luggage pack and was ready to leave. This was the reason after all that Dumbledore would be legitimately be able to expel him from Hogwarts, then Snape had happened. To everybodies surprise Snape took the fallout from his pay back to the Marauders' prank, it was in Severus sixth' year after he had suffered the humiliation from everyone due to the marauders at the end of his OWLs. When he had taken Mark's punishment and even down played it, so not to worry him or his sister, he had then become to many of his peers and fellow students a hero. So yes James Bond nee Mark would gladly take the bullet, hex whatever for Severus Snape and his family.

* * *

The new headmaster had totally redecorated his office, it had a minimalist we are all in it together feel to it. His desk and other furniture was like the Goblins practical. He had removed the dais that Albus old desk stood on, he admittedly didn’t seem to need it his presence conveyed his power and strength etc. and did not seem to require any supporting props to help people realize this fact. All the chairs in the office for visitors were hard backed and uncomfortable to sit on and in fact the only comfortable looking piece of equipment in the room was the headmasters chair. The portraits of past headmasters had been removed to the Great Hall the Headmaster explained to anyone who dared asked that “he did not need anybody’s wise counsel especially if they were expired or dead.” The headmaster lived by the adage that if a person was dead then what they had been doing was not obviously the best thing for that persons health and should be avoided at all costs. The walls had been painted in a neutral light off white colour and there filing cabinets along the walls. The headmasters desk was totally cleared of paperwork and correspondence. Now thought people who first entered this room that this room spelt out to power, ambition and hard work never would you be able to associate it with the Grandfatherly loveable cosy office that Albus had before him.

 

The new headmaster of Hogwarts pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at his clerk again with incredibility, oh the British Government with their ‘come and be headmaster of our first magical school, nice change of scenery and a piece of cake to run.’ Oh to be back in his very organized mayhem “So let me be very clear on this point, I thought I instructed the house elves to throw out any old rubbish they found, so how did the new notices and letters introducing the change of venue and date to the school governor’s lead to them being thrown by DEATH, and the house elves in to Vesuv 79 was following my instructions?”

 

The clerk just looked at his employer and said “House elves can when they want to, take instructions literally, and you did say to throw out any rubbish they found….and…you didn’t specify which correspondence and paperwork was not to be touched ….and apparently the notices etc. informing the school Governors about the new appointments looked like rubbish to them, so they were thrown inside of Vesuv 79 ………as the deputy head said he will never piss off a house elf! They have a longer memory than his wife….and she remembers with clarity the….and as he said if we got Death to help us…you would let it go this once as even you are wary of our friend..” The clerk answered and then swallowed, he was in the shit again alright, he had done it again told the truth. It was a major disability. You think being a dyslexic is bad, an absolute piece of cake….deaf, at least you can ignore your annoying relatives at family events. But to be cursed with always telling the truth, no matter how you planned to not to even speak, your mouth and conscience somehow got diarrhoea and told the truth. So you knew the gossip about people when THEY found out, and if you have an employer like the Headmaster, nothing was safe.

 

The headmaster shook his head, yes the British Government owed big time for this favour he was doing. But as his old guilds bursar had said to him once, a challenge was a challenge, and never back down from a challenge…as the bursar pinned Deacon to the pointed school railings for the fourth time, for pranking the bursar again….pity it had been him that had set Deacon the little shit up. Taught Deacon and the rest of his group to ‘prank him’, his headmaster had even given him extra credit for his Defense project for being innovative, but deducted points for artistic interpretation. Ah! Well it taught Deacon’s group and the others in his cohort never to cross him again! As their old headmaster had said to Deacons parents, at this school we reward students diligence and survival instincts, and to know when not to even think of crossing an opponent. Funnily enough Deacons parents removed the little shit and sent him to the ….what was the school… oh the clowns guild school, couldn’t happen to anyone better in his opinion. Of course showing such talent and aptitude at the school with in his first week of starting there, had led to complications for him. The schools teaching staff expected for him to more than excel in his studies, numerous times in his first year of schooling had he been pulled into a teachers office for only scraping 90% on an essay or test.

 

On the plus side it had cultivated in him his work ethic and ambition, and with that and his outstanding academic record and qualifications he had progressed far in society. No matter what people said regarding his native city and homeland, most people could progress through society with the right motivation. Even if in the case of his deputy headmaster, their partner became the driving force of career advance-ment. His homeland was really like the British Muggle society and not the British Wizarding society who believed that power and advancement should only be available to a few individuals, very often the people with power and influence already.

 

The trouble with Hogwarts Governing body was that it was filled with a load of rich, snobbish sycophants excluding of course the four appointed Slytherin Governors. Lord Prewitt and Lady Augusta Longbottom were cases in point, they were so busy brown nosing their way into the powerful wizards good graces, that they had totally missed that the muggle government was stealthy taking back legally and with public opinion on their side what had always been theirs. There were great changes coming for wizarding society, and people like the Prewitts were backing the wrong horse! Lord Vetinari was not looking forward to the first meeting with the old governing board, when they would be given their marching orders by the new owners of Hogwarts…. But wait, if they didn’t attend the meeting then they couldn’t raise objections to the owners plans….and there was a record of the letters etc. being sent to all the old governors, really wasn’t his fault that the correspondence didn’t arrive at the address, and with these thoughts the Headmaster felt a lot more happier all together!

* * *

The Study Hall would be a first test for his new and old staff members. They have all been tested before their contracts had either been terminated or they had been rewarded with new contracts, that contained better wages and working conditions. Of course they had thoroughly check every student and adult who enter the Hall for weapons of all sorts and other harmful equipment.

 

As a classical example how to conceal them best, they had take a closer look on one of the frockcoats of Professor Severus Snape and emptied it at Lunch the same day.

 

The original Hogwarts students and especially the little miscreants and bullies had paled more and more as James and Susan smirkingly pulled out some of his hidden arsenal.

 

“How can he even walk without making a sound?”, asked Ron baffled.

 

“That's only his normal coat for Quidditch games, Ron.”, commented Harry, remembering the other coats in their quarters.

 

“Wait a second, you mean he got more than that?”, gasped Ron.

 

“Yes, Dad consider it is best to always be prepared for all possibilities.”, answered Harry as he grateful accepted his nutrient Potion from Dobby.

 

To be fair though thought the headmaster the students had done Hogwarts proud with the confiscated arsenal that the professors found on the students. Even the Weasley twins had paled when their younger brothers body frisk had found a Leader Dynamics Series T2 MK5 assault riffle hidden on his person!

 

They apparently thought they were the bad boys of the Weasley family, with their pranking (read bullying thought the headmaster). It would be the last time the twins sneered at their youngest siblings or Percy Weasley. Especially after Percy showed them a few of the self-defence moves that he knew, being a black belt in Taekwondo and hopefully being picked to represent Britain as a Middleweight Boxer in the next Olympic Games had made him quite good at self defence.

 

Young Harry Potter of course had decided to follow in his father’s footsteps, and had quite an arsenal of knives, a crossbow, half a dozen hand grenades and a selection of the Snape’s family only brewed poisons stashed in his robes.

 

Goyle had almost managed to convince the staff members that the ornate rings he wore on his fighting hands were legit rings, and didn’t form an illegal knuckleduster! The poor lad was mortified when Jaws slapped him on the back and congratulated him for his inventfulness. The rings when shaken just so turned in a knuckleduster with five little daggers, his shoes when tapped the correct way produced steel sharpened daggers laced with poison. He was inconsolable when his arsenal had been confiscated, but looking on the bright side it was plain to see that Pansy Parkinson had her sights on Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger was drawn to Goyle and Draco was being hunted down by Ginny Weasley literally. The joys of young love thought Lord Vetinari it was nice to see, even Harry Potter being eyed up by Wednesday Friday Addams.

 

It was nice to see that Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger had started the craft of knitting, it was even more impressive to see the knitting needles sharpened to a very sharp points. When a Hufflepuff boy had sneered and asked what was so dangerous about knitting needles. Ginny Weasley quickly managed to impale him on the nearest wall with them, she had then turned to a smirking Pansy and said “My aim is so lousy! Really I was trying to impale him through his balls”

 

Found on Pansy Parkinson and quite a few of the female students were smokes and lighters, when Madame Hooch had commented to them “That smoking was a filthy and health destroying habit, and that young ladies shouldn’t indulge.” Pansy had done no more but taken a smoke lit it and burned off Madame Hooch’s eyebrows with the flame from the lighter. The poor professor may be able to return to teaching when she had recovered from the forth degree burns to the face.

 

There were the usual number of confiscated items on the students, but what shock the little dears was when Professor McGonagall looked at a student's 9mm Pistol and promptly took out her concealed Avidity Arms 9mm pistol PD10, and started to list the benefits over the older model that the student was carrying.

 

Yes thought Lord Vetinari was nice to see the professors and students of Hogwarts becoming more at ease in each other’s company.

* * *

In his room at the local Hospital Severus starred unbelievingly at a short letter.

 

I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO KNOW YOU PERSONALLY, PROFESSOR SNAPE! I'M SURE WE WILL BE ABLE TO FIND COMMON GROUND. DO NOT TALK WITH ANYONE ABOUT THIS LETTER OR SOMETHING TRAGIC COULD HAPPEN TO YOUR MATE AND YOUR SON.

 

KHAN

 

Angrily growling burned Severus the letter and starred at the dark ceiling. Who was KHAN and what did he want from him?


	7. A letter from home and how to present your work artistically

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Weasley receive a letter from home, and the forth year slytherns find a unique way to deal with a class mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are back with a new chapter of this story, sorry for the long delay in updating the story it has been my fault entirely as having work problems that have hopefully been sorted.

It was at supper that night that a great owl flew into the hall and alighted by Percy Weasley plate, the young man fed the owl and then took the letter. Ron, Percy and Ginny exchanged looks with each other, whatever was in the letter was not going to be good news! The twins smirked and started the teasing of their older brother the insufferable prig in their eyes. “Ah Percy, who has sent you a letter….your secret admirer, the person who you shag in private. Gred I wonder what mothers reaction would be if she knew the Pratkins here was in a relationship with Oliver Wood” George answered his twin, catching his eye after all it was always good for a laugh to wind up their siblings, and by their mind Percy needed bringing down to earth “Don’t rightly know Forge, perhaps she would throw him out……at least she would send a howler to him, perh…”

Ron just shook his head at the twins antics, really he and everybody he knew including his family, mates even the rest of Gryffindor house were fed up with the twins ‘pranking’. It was well known in the family that the twins would go into business when they left school, but that was when they had completed their education to NEWT standards and undertaken at least advanced potion and charms courses at the local education college, with business studies. Their parents wanted them to be well prepared for the outside walls, especially if they were to start their own business. Harry was the one who answered the twins, ever since he had been adopted by his parents he had started to see things in a new light “Lay off the bullying George and Fred! Your parents know about Percy and Oliver Wood, in fact they want to meet him during the Yule holidays….you’re not funny when you bully other people especially your own siblings” 

Pansy and Hermione were forcibly holding back an enraged Ginny, and Draco lent over and whispered in her ear, Ginny smiled and turned towards Draco and whispered back “SO IF I LEAVE THE TWINS BREATHING….YOU WILL TAKE ME TO THE YULE BALL? PROMISE” and Draco nodded his head, Ginny smiled sweetly “Deal! Hermione do me a favour and strip by homophobic brothers for me and dangle them by their nuts in the great hall….just to teach them a long overdue lesson….” 

“Ginny the deal was, that if you left your brothers alone! Er.. Ahem….I…would take you to the ball as my partner…so” The great hall was quiet as everybody had turned to look at the interaction at Harry’s table between Ginny and Draco. But it could also be that Hermione and Pansy had stripped the twins to their boxers and were charming them to swing in the great hall, for many of the original students of Hogwarts this was pay back for all the times that they or others they knew had been pranked, suddenly from one of the Hufflepuff house table Albus Dumbledore joined the twins swaying in the breeze, but without even his pants on to save his modesty, Ginny sweetly turned round to Draco and replied “Draco! Now dearest” Everybody who knew the Weasley’s flinched at her tone “The deal was and I quote here ‘IF I DID NOTHING TO BY BULLYING, THICK, SCUMBAG OF BROTHERS…..then we would be a couple and you would take me to the ball” Ginny then smiled sweetly at Draco and continued “YOU NEVER DARLING! SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE TAKING THE SCUMBAGS OUT AS A LITTLE ITSY BITSY FAVOUR FOR ME….OR DID YOU WANT TO SEE THEM GO COMPLETELY COMMANDO?” Draco looked round the table and the rest of the hall and shook his head, there were some sights that were definitely needed to be left to nightmares.

“Oy! Sharon” shouted one girl to her mate, and held out her hand where a number of knuts now rested “Pay up, I won the bet….The twins have nothing good to offer and that includes their manhood!” at this the girl point upwards towards the twins now swinging naked in the Great Hall breeze.

Percy waited for a natural lull in the conversation at the table and said “We have all been called to a family meeting tomorrow at Grandpa’s Brandon….must be important! Harry mum says that you are allowed to come as well…oh so are the Creevy brothers” at this there was a large groan round the table. Harry looked longingly at Wednesday Adams and asked “Plea…….se can I stick their fucking cameras up their arses…pleas….se?” and Wednesday shook her head, really with parents like Remus and Severus you would think her intended (he just hadn’t been told yet) would have a bit more sophistication like her father Gomez. Oh well as her head of house always said very often it was up to the women in the relationship to educate the man in the subtleties of life!  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Before Lord Vetinari could move from his seat at the teachers table, Minerva had left the table and walked to Harry’s table, Filius Flitwick stopped Lord Venturi from raising from his seat to follow Minerva and whispered “Headmaster! Please let Minerva have her fun….she has waited ages to bring down certain pupils to earth….she tried like the rest of us to stop the so called pranking by Gryffindor students…but was forbidden from interfering by the old coot, who thought it brought fun and laughter to Hogwarts” Lord Venturi sat back down, and waited to see what the professor would do!

Minerva stopped at the table and said in her sternest voice, that all pupils at Hogwarts knew meant business to Hermione “What have I said about presenting your work Hermione?” Hermione swallowed and looked lost for words, she just knew that she was in a lot of trouble for stripping the twins. But she knew that she had to face the music and take the punishment that the professor gave her. Minerva continued “To properly present your work, you will never obtain the highest marks in transfiguration OWLS and NEWTS with shoddy presentation like this, and with that the twin and Dumbledore were exfoliated and hung from just above their tables in an X shape “See! Isn’t that much more aesthetic to the eyes……. I am afraid that both you and Miss Parkinson will have to join me this Saturday morning where we will be ensuring that presentation skills are brought up to scratch in your remedial classes….also girls be aware that you must always put a time limit on your live transfiguration work if possible…..lets see…ah” with that Minerva waved her wand at the three hanging students and continued “I think letting them hanging there till tomorrow morning will ensure that everybody heeds my advice” and with that Minerva strolled from the hall.

Lord Vetinari looked amazed at the retreating back of Minerva, he and it seemed the rest of the population of Hogwarts inhabitants were not expecting that. 

The twins and Dumbledore the next morning were let down form their positions in the great hall, as they got ready for the family meeting they agreed that they would be telling their parents about the bullying they had endured by Ginny and friends. After all what they did to others were lightly teasing and pranking! They never hurt anybody, or humiliated anyone who didn’t deserve it. But they were to receive a very unwelcome shock when then flooed home with the rest of their family!  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Remus made his way along the ward that his intended was been held prisoner according to his beliefs. Severus had made his thoughts well and truly known to everybody who visited him. But at least Remus had other news that might take Severus mind of his imposed imprisonment.

Remus reached the bed and Severus held out his hand for the stash of chocolates that Remus had smuggled in, one of the health care workers on duty that day did no more and came and relieved Severus of his smuggled treat shaking their head and muttering to Severus that he knew he wasn’t allowed sweets and chocolates and would ensure that somebody else more deserving of it had the treat. Severus muttered under his breath to Remus “That the person that the Health Care assistant deemed more worthy than him were the ward staff themselves”

Remus lent over and gave Severus a kiss and then updated him on the news from Hogwarts with a happy it doesn’t matter tone he said “Gryffindor is now housed in the dungeons and Slytherin house have now taken over Gryffindor tower”

“How the bloody hell did that happen! It has taken me better part of a decade and half to ensure that my quarters wouldn’t be in the damp cold infested dungeons, I was looking forward to at last not having to wear thermal underwear and long Johns in the summer just to keep warm......and you don’t want to know what lengths I have gone to keep slightly chilled in the winter!” Severus ranted at Remus

Remus looked apologetically at Severus and explained “Unbeknown to me the Slytherin and Gryffindor houses had an illegal poker game last week, the final bet was that who ever won the last game their house commandeered the Gryffindor tower.......and we lost the game”

“The little fools! How many times have I told my house not to play poker against Ms Granger, she is only fourteen and most casino’s are wary of her playing!”

“Actually it wasn’t Hermione that our house played against....oh apparently she was in the game with Wednesday Adams and the young lady who finally won the game for them. Look Severus, the girl who finally one the game just couldn’t play poker and was just lucky at the last minute.....The boys apparently had to keep helping her sort out her hand in the rest of  
the game”

Severus banged his head against the pillows of bed head rest and asked the million dollar question “Okay it wasn’t the boys fault Remus! BUT WHO WAS LUCKY GIRL THEY PLAYED AGAINST?”

Remus swallowed and replied “Miss Camilla Fritton! Such a nice understated girl.....just lucky at the end Severus” The scream of outrage and sobbing that Severus made at the disclosure of the girl that had won the poker game from the Gryffindor house, ensured that the nursing staff allowed him some of his confiscated chocolate. Severus then explained in painful detail how the Gryffindor house had been set up to lose the poker game.  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lord Vetinari looked down his nose at the Gryffindor fourth year boys who had been caught trying to dehume their colleague Neville Longbottom, he asked the million dollar question “May I ask why you were trying to exhume your colleague........it is of course worthy to try to start honing your dehuming skills as soon as possible...BUT IT IS NORMALLY FROWNED UPON TO DEHUME ONE OF YOUR CLASSMATES”

The boys looked at each other and Harry sighed and answered the headmaster “Sir! We had no choice.....it was either us or Neville! We tried to make it painless sir, honest”

The headmaster pinched his nose and asked the question “What on earth has Mr Longbottom done to you, for you all to believe that it was a matter of his or your lives....hmmm”

Harry explained the boys point of view “Well it is more that Neville was going to die....sooner rather than later...but the question was whether he was going to take all of us with him”

“I mean sir! The other houses and even Death himself have been betting when we will be meeting our maker” Draco Malfoy helpfully added his support to Harry’s testimony, the other boys in his office nodded in whole hearted support.

“So! What is this Neville crime against you all?”

“He is in our potions class, sir! And well it is only a matter of time before he blows us up in the lesson...” Harry explained to the headmaster.

The headmaster felt a headache starting, but he took stock of the situation before him and informed the boys “I will find a solution to your problem and ensure that this Mr Longbottom does not inadvertently blow your class to kingdom come.....but please in future remember that the school and the Assassins guild take a very dim view of dehuming people before your majority or with out a payment being offered for the dehuming”

The boys sighed as one, happy that the disaster Neville Longbottom was will soon be made harmless by the headmasters input. Goyle looked at everybody in the room and made another request of the headmaster “AHMMM..sir can you move the Weasley twins to the Hufflepuff house...it just that we are the house of Assassins and magicals...and Hufflepuff is the house of the Clown and thieves guild, it just seems more appropriate that the twins are placed in that house”

Ron added “I mean perhaps the house can keep the prats in order.....merlin knows my poor mother can’t and dad is a wimp who had his head up old Dumbledore’s ar....”

“I think I get the idea that the Weasley twins would be more at home in Hufflepuff....so their skills can be more controlled and appreciated.“, Lord Vetinari agreed with the fourth year Gryffindor boys.


End file.
